Friday, 18 March 2011

The Tomboy and Fashion

I'm feeling like a girl for the first time since I was a small kid. I'm watching all the cycles of America's Next Top Model, currently I'm at cycle 7 which originally was the cycle that got me interested. Last time I watched the show seriously was when I was 15 and now I'm re-watching it. It has got me thinking a lot about fashion. I used to not care what the heck I was wearing as long as I liked it and I still don't, but watching it, knowing the industry it's entertaining and interesting. I feel like I'm learning something completely new and it's fun. I've discovered so much since I watched the series - like Twiggy. I love her (and her accent)! I've always found Tyra awesome, but now I'm in love with her - her personality is refreshing and fun. Since it's a reality show I always fall for one of the girls, but only once it's been the winner I've fallen for. I usually like the dark, dorky, tomboyish girls - the different ones and they never make it.

I've never been the girly one. Sure I played with dolls, but even more than that I loved Lego, cars, jumping from the swings, riding bikes and running around. Having picnics and teapartys with the dolls was just something I did with my friends who were girls. I wished I were a boy when I was little. When all the girls in my class in first grade fell in love with Leo DiCaprio from Titanic I was impressed by Kate Winslet and my favourite scene is still when the ship is actually sinking. I hated the boybands and I still do. I was 13 when I found Nightwish and with that my musical and personal style. I was the dorky girl. I wasn't pretty. I had glasses and braces, straight boring blonde hair, bad posture and absolutely no idea how to dress good or put on make-up. I was the smart one, not the pretty one in high school. Top Model gave me confidence that I could become beautiful too when I was 15 and needed it the most. Today I've come as far as admitting that I'm pretty, but I don't know sexy. I don't feel sexy and I don't know how to be sexy - simply because I'm not. I'm cute and dorky, but not sexy.

Top Model opened my eyes to make-up, clothes and fashion in general. I started seeing celebrities in a new way and found my muse and role model in Avril Lavigne. I still look up to her a lot. Just like everyone else I've got my preferences in fashion from every single decade since the 20's except for the 30's, I haven't really found anything that I like there.

1920's - Flappers
1940's - The pin-up girls
1950's - The rockabilly / rock'n'roll style
1960's - Mods and the really short dresses
1970's - Punk
1980's - Heavy metal
1990's - Grunge
2000's - Scene / Emo

Top Model also indirectly taught me a lot about gay people and I decided that this was a good post to talk about it. I always thought of myself as straight until 10th grade, then I started wondering and second-guessing. That's also when my "yellow fever" started with Morning Musume and I find those two connected. I kissed my first girl at new year's eve between 2007-2008 in a game of Truth or Dare and figured that it wasn't that bad or different from kissing a boy. It was just a whatever shrug and get on with my life. But in the end of my Tokyo visit there was a new girl in class. She was 24, but looked 18. She was a girl, but looked like a boy. She was from Taiwan and she was tiny. The first and only girl I ever had a crush on was her. That had me stop questioning my sexuality and I just accepted that I went both ways. Simple. I haven't been showing this off to the world cause I know what reactions can come of it, but I don't have any problems with myself anymore. If you do then fine I don't care.

Fun part is the difference. I love manly guys. The guys with broad shoulders, big jaw, wide chest and abs and they have to be caucasian for me to like them and as tall as or taller than me. With girls it's a completely different story. They are asian with tiny, petite figures, small faces, really dark eyes and a tomboy appearance.

Top Model made me want to take care of my appearance more. I'm trying to get clear skin, which I haven't had since I was 12, and a flat belly, which I haven't had since I was 10. But I don't like to watch what I eat. I hate to count carbs. I love ice cream and sweets and biscuits and cupcakes and buns and soda and fast food. I want to continue eating all of that but still get that flat belly. So I just started walking everywhere instead of taking the bus and I'm gonna try to do some 15 minutes work-out every day and I might go swimming sometimes. I've wanted a flat belly all my teenage life and now I'm determined to get one... If I do I can go get a pierced navel that actually looks good! (Instead of that other one I had that didn't work out too well...).

This turned out to be a very varied and long post. All with connections to Top Model, but it contains a lot of 'me' as well and my thoughts. I feel very materialistic and fake writing this, but it all really comes down to me wanting to feel pretty. That old feeling that's been with me since I was the ugly nerd girl in high school who was completely settled on never ever getting a boyfriend and never ever have a love life because she was so unattractive and boring. I feel proud.

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