Friday, 21 October 2011

Breakdown

Yesterday I had a mental breakdown. It's no longer strange for me to feel like I'm eons behind the rest of the class in knowledge and performance, although I'm probably not. I slouched off a bit last week and now I have to pay for it. The exam next week is looming over me and I feel like I can't get it all into my skull. At the same time I have to finish "Le Père Goriot" before Monday, which wouldn't be such a big problem if Balzac didn't use every single darned word in the entire French vocabulary! I feel like I undestand half of what's written on every page. I wouldn't mind so much if it wasn't for the fact that we are supposed to write an analysis of the story later and that a paragraph to translate most definately will come up on the exam in December. Or if it's not a paragraph it's most definately going to be on one of the big questions (basically if you fail completely at one of the big questions you fail the exam). If that's not enough I have my big oral news presentation on Tuesday which I have to finish and which has to be great because I need to show this teacher that I can speak French and that I'm not completely useless. I don't think I managed that last semester, so now I have some proving to do. I took this entire week off. I didn't go to a single class just to stay home and study and I still feel completely stressed out and like I'm not going to be able to do any of it.

Most of what's on the exam I think I know. Sort of. But I don't want it to be "sort of"! I want it to be stuck in there perfectly! I want to get back up on the highest grade! I want to return to being the overachiever I used to be in elementary school, in secondary school, in sixth form, in my first year of university! Maybe I'm just being too hard on myself. I've read 130 pages of the 360 page novel "Le Père Goriot". I have to read it all in three days and I'm not even gonna be home for two of them! I need to learn the vocabulary. I need to understand the story and I want to understand it without having to read the synopsis of it on the English wikipedia!

They are not nice enough to give us the week before the exam off. On the contrary this coming week is the toughest yet. Balzac done 'til Monday, oral presentation on Tuesday, the regular weekly assignment to hand in on Wednesday and an essay to start writing on Thursday. The exam is on Saturday.

We had more subjects, more assignments, more tests in sixth form before holidays, but I never ever felt like just cuddle up in a corner, hide under a cover, cry and wait for it all to just go away. I think I need to get back up on my old disciplin. I can't slouch off no more. From today 'til the 30th will be my gauntlet.
The disciplinary schedule:
Friday: Finish off the vocabulary of the first chapter (130 pages) of "Le Père Goriot". Study more phonetics for the exam. If possible make the oral presentation better.
Saturday: Read Balzac on the train to parents place, in the car to grandparents place, in the car from grandparents place and on the train home. Anti-motionsickness pills, here I come.
Sunday: Read the rest of Balzac. Start working on the last of the vocabulary. Study more phonetics. Hone the oral presentation. (Go see Les Misérables in Malmö somewhere in between there)
Monday: Study more phonetics. Hone the oral presentation some more. Start working on analysis of Balzac.
Tuesday: Study more phonetics. Make regular weekly assignment. Write on analysis. (Go to concert somewhere in between there)
Wednesday: Study more phonetics. Catch up on grammar. Start working on Dossier 2 which there will be a debate on. Write on analysis.
Thursday: Study more phonetics. Study more grammar. Write on analysis. Work on Dossier 2.
Friday: Repetition of phonetics (although it should all be stuck by then). Study grammar. Write analysis. Work on Dossier 2.
Saturday: EXAM TIME! Afterwards: Celebration.
Sunday: Finish analysis (handing in on Monday). Finish work on Dossier 2 (debate questions to be handed in on Wednesday). Start reading "En attendant Godot" by Samuel Beckett.

October 31st to November 6th I have my week off. If I can keep this schedule I might have done just about enough to actually be able to take time off studying that week. On October 31st it's time for me to go get some old exams to practice on before the next exam takes place on November 26th. Probably should get old exams to practice on for the final exam on December 10th as well...

I should be getting started on this. I just need to give you this song once again and this time I'll translate it:
Who got this crazy idea
to one day invent school
It's the damned Charles the Great
damnCharles the Great

Without leaving us in life
except for on Sundays and Thursdays
It's the damned Charles the Great
damn Charles the Great

This son of Pepin the Short
Have given us loads of boredoms
et we have a thousand sorrows
towards him

Who got this crazy idea
to one day invent school
It's the damned Charles the Great
damn Charles the Great

Past participle
4 and 4 makes 8
lesson in French
Mathematics
Nothing but work
Damn damn damn damn Charles the Great

He should have caressed
his flowing beard for a long time
oh oh damn Charles the Great
Damn Charles the Great

Rather than boring us
with Geography
oh oh damn Charles the Great
Damn Charles the Great

He only had to deal with
battles and hunts
We shouldn't be obliged
to go to class every day

One has to learn to count
and make loads of dictations
oh oh damn Charles the Great
Damn Charles the Great

Past participle
4 and 4 makes 8
lesson in French
Mathematics
Nothing but work
Damn damn damn damn Charles the Great

Because without him in our lives
There wouldn't be anything but Thursdays

oh oh damn Charles the Great

oh oh damn Charles the Great

oh oh damn Charles the Great

5 comments:

  1. School, putting students on the brink of madness since... Charles the Great, apparently? x) Anyway, why care so much about what your teacher thinks? You're not taking that course for her sake, only for your own. Honestly, you should start trusting yourself more. You even said it yourself: you probably know more than you think. At the end of the day, you can't do more than you have time for :P And if you're stressed out, you won't learn anything. So it's better to take some time to calm down and then get some quality studying done than to force yourself to study anyway.

    Seems like you've got your work cut out for you though... good luck with it xP see you on the other side.

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  2. I don't like it when teachers don't trust my abilities :P So I want to prove myself to them. It's always been like that. Maybe got some problem with appreciation or attention... But since I want to prove myself to them I also force myself to get better, so I do get better because of it :)

    I took my time today. Relaxed before studying and I've got a lot done. Although I can always be better. There's always room for improvement and I always demand too much of myself.

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  3. I'm sort of the same way, so I get that you mean :) And I've noticed that while it's good to push yourself to be better, it's important to know your boundaries. I for one think there _is_ a limit :P I have no doubt you will sort it out alright. Just make sure to return in one piece xD

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  4. Actually I like it most of the time. One just has to not let the coursework pile up ^^;

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What's the first thought in your head after reading this? Let me know!