Sometimes I doubt my ability to remember things. Sometimes I doubt my somewhat photographic memory. My first exam of the semester is tomorrow and I'm scared and nervous and the anxiety is just ridiculous. I think it may be because I put all those high standards on my shoulders and now I'll be back to feeling like a complete failure if I only get a passing grade and not the highest grade. I'm weird like that.
Thing is that if the language was Swedish or English I'd just be able to write rubbish for a really long time and in some way manage to get everything I need across. I can't do that in French cause my vocabulary sucks. The resit for this exam is in December, but I really don't want to have to go through all of this again. I don't like the subject there are so many words to remember, so many new terms. What do I care about phonetics? I guess I'll just have to go to the exam tomorrow and write everything and anything I can think of and hope that it all goes really well. I hope I'm lucky and he asks stuff I have studied for a lot. I may study some more in an hour or two, but right now my brain is completely fried I can't stuff any more stuff in there and it makes me worried and nervous about tomorrow.
That study schedule I made didn't last. I haven't had time to do most of it. All I've been doing is studying phonetics and it still feels like all of it isn't stuck in there yet. I had two happy moments this week though and one of them was ironically enough my oral presentation. After class everyone left real quick as per usual, except for me cause I take my time to put on my scarf, coat and bonnet and collecting my stuff and putting it in my rucksack. My teacher approached me and said that it was much better than last time and that I had approved a lot. I was very happy about it and I explained to him that I'm always nervous when I talk to and infront of people and that I was nervous even talking to only him. He said that I had gotten a lot better than last time and that small sentence had me dancing on clouds for the rest of that day. Also the regular weekly assignment, which consists of translating a small text to French and making a small personal text relating to the subject of the translated text. My translation was well recieved with her and when we got back our personal texts from last week I discovered that I had actually gotten a comment of "Very well done". I'm still at war with the French prepositions, but heck that made me happy.
Hopefully all this worrying is just my mind playing tricks on me and everything will work out fine tomorrow. I need more time to rehearse but time is running out fast! Wish me luck tomorrow!