Originally I had planned on waiting with the whole breaking up thing until after New Years, cause then maybe he had a job and could afford a flat all by himself. But it wouldn't really make a difference. We dealt with it and as we live in a two room flat we decided to take one room each. So we have one room each and we are still friends. Sure it can be a little awkward sometimes when we have to surpress reflexes that comes from being together with someone for over a year, but we're doing fine.
At least that's what I though yesterday. Because in the evening I find out from him that he had talked to his mother and told her everything and she had been angry with me for not moving out. He later met up with a friend (our friend) who felt the same way. He even told me that it would be more appropriate for me to move out since it was his dad who found us this flat. My best friend thinks that I shouldn't consider his economical situation and move out. My dad feels the same way. When Love got home he brought with him the two friends that are usually here almost all the time. One of them hugs us everytime he arrives and everytime he leaves. But his hug felt forced, like he had to or it would be weird for me. He didn't say a word to me this morning. At least the other one said 'good morning' and 'bye'.
So that's it. No one likes me anymore. I kind of saw this coming. We've mostly been hanging out with his friends and I had counted upon this as one of the side-effects from breaking up with him - having to find all new friends and start over. But I didn't think it would affect me so much. I feel totally abandoned. So what I did after he told me yesterday was to start looking for flats and rooms like crazy. But there's nothing. No flats that I can afford, no rooms that fit. I don't want to leave Lund. I love this town. But suddenly I feel unwanted. I broke up with my boyfriend and now everyone hates me. I cried myself to sleep last night and when I woke up getting out of bed was the hardest thing I have done in a long time. I decided not to go to class today cause I'm too weepy to be able to hold it together. I'm feeling a little better by now, though. Probably thanks to the fact that this morning I got a text from Love that said that he didn't want me to move out. It made me feel a little better, a bit more appreciated.
So I bet I won't get any comments on this post, because all the people I know fit into one of these three categories:
1. You don't like my anymore and won't comment because of it (why you're even here if you don't like me is a mystery to me)
2. You're too uncomfortable by the fact that I've been pouring my heart out in this post and don't know how to say it
3. You're at a loss for words cause you're too afraid that everything you say will be insufficient and make me feel worse
If you feel like you don't fit into any of these then go ahead and prove me wrong.
When you were here before I couldn't look you in the eye. You're just like an angel. Your skin makes me cry. You float like a feather in a beautiful world. I wish I was special. You're so fucking special. But I'm a creep. I'm a weirdo. What the hell am I doing here? I don't belong here. I don't care if it hurts I want to have control. I want a perfect body. I want a perfect soul. I want you to notice when I'm not around. Your so fucking special. I wish I was special. But I'm a creep. I'm a weirdo. What the hell am I doing here? I don't belong here. She's running out the door. She's running. She run, run, run, run, run. Whatever makes you happy, whatever you want. You're so fucking special. I wish I was special. But I'm a creep. I'm a weirdo. What the hell am I doing here? I don't belong here. I don't belong here.