I had a nice little breakdown before. And here's the reason why: This term I'm writing my exam paper to obtain my Bachelor degree in French. We got to choose the subject of the essay ourselves and my mentor thought my subject (a comparison between the plot in the book and the plot in the musical of Les Misérables, what's different?) was very good. I started reading the book and all was well. I like my mentor. He's a good teacher. Then we have the teacher in the oral and writing classes. The one I've complained about before. He tells us that for our oral exam we have to make a PowerPoint on an article in French that's related to the subject we've chosen for our essays. He shows us some search engines on the Internet that may help us find those articles. So I went home and looked through French Google. Nothing useful. Went through the search engines he showed us. Found some books, but none relating to my subject. This Wednesday I'm having the test round for the oral exam and I have nothing! Today I went through French Google for the fourth time and found nothing. Not one small useful article. I gave up completely and my brain started giving me scenarios. Me not passing the oral exam. Me not obtaining my degree. Me not being able to enter the Translators' Program. All because of this tiny stupid detail. I e-mailed my teacher telling him the story and asking for some help. But I can tell you that I've got no confidence that he'll even answer that e-mail. I've told him once before that I couldn't find anything and he didn't answer then. I have no idea what to do and it's freaking me out. I could obviously talk about something completely different that's still related to Les Misérables. But all we do this term is supposed to be related to the essay! He told us this our very first day! I'm completely irresolute. I'm beginning to hate this teacher for making it so hard. Why is he making this so hard?!
I've been desperately crying my eyes today. I've taken an hour walk to try and clear my head and figure out what to do. I took a day off studying yesterday to reboot my brain. I have no solution.
If we're making evaluation of the course at the end of this semester, I'll completely diss him. It may be childish of me, but I can't stand the thought that he may make life difficult for somebody else as well. We were supposed to have another teacher. That's what bothers me the most. We were supposed to have another teacher, who used to be responsible for this course. But only for this semester he's a guest lecturer at a french university in Paris. Why did it have to be this semester?! He's been in on very small things in the other two courses and I really really liked him. This situation sucks.
Another problem for me with this is that if I don't like the teacher, or feel like I get nothing from going to class, or that I don't fit in with the people, I get extremely non-motivated to show up to class at all. Writing this I haven't been to class for two weeks. Why should I bother going to every single class if attendance is not compulsory and the only thing that counts is if you pass the exams?
Yes, I skip class a lot. But if I don't study I still don't know what to do with my "free time" anymore. So that should tell you something about me staying up to date with the classes anyway.