Wednesday, 28 November 2012

Why I ♥ Morning Musume

I got into Morning Musume in late 2005 I think, or maybe it was early 2006. Anyway I came across the music and thought it was catchy and fun and the girls seemed to have so much fun in the videos and they were so cute. These songs are the first "recent ones" for me, the ones that I discovered were new in the time period that I was discovering the concept of Morning Musume:


At first I thought the whole concept was confusing. I watched several videos of Morning Musume in different TV-shows and the members were never the same. It took forever for me to memorize the members. The whole concept of old members graduating and new ones being added was confusing, but exciting cause it was so new to me. Watching old shows, old music videos and reading up on the history of the group I soon came to have my favourite members, and interestingly enough several of them had already graduated by the time I discovered the group. In 2008, the group's producer (Tsunku) came up with the idea to not hold auditions for new members for a while (previously new members had been added pretty much each year) to let the fans have a chance to get to know the present members even better. This meant that MoMusu had members from the 5th through 8th generations all the way until early 2011, when the 9th generation was finally added and it was a big commotion. The 9th generation got lots of promotion and I got to know them really quick. 10th generation was added later that same year and I've just gotten used to them. The first single with the recently added 12th generation is yet to be released. After the members have graduated they all go on to either do solos or to form other groups. A big group has been formed with several of the graduated members called Dream Morning Musume (and it really is a dream to see them together).



Another thing that I like about them is that not two songs sound alike. This video shows how much their sound has changed since they began and how they sounded in early 2011. But since every song is different there's no guarantee what the next one will sound like. Lately their songs have been inspired by dubstep for example. 


MoMusu has been going on since 1997 and is still going strong. Out of Morning Musume grew Hello! Project an agency that came to host several groups and, up until 2009, several of the graduated members. In March 2009 the older members graduated in a huge concert (which is still my favourite of all time). I still can't watch the end of this concert without crying, cause it's so lovely how they all thank the crowd and eachother and how they all are teary or crying at the end of this song... Which is the way it is every time a member graduates. 


So that's it. I love the concept, I love the personalities of the members, I love how their style changes and how every song is different but almost always great anyways. 

Tuesday, 27 November 2012

Why I ♥ manga/anime/dorama

A friend of mine is working on a series of posts about ten reasons why she loves Japan, and I thought why the heck not? That would really give me something to blog about. So sorry, Caro, but I loved your idea and I'm copying it! :D

I've already decided what I'm going to do for my ten posts and the first five ones will be related to popular culture, while the final five will be a little fancier and high culture.

So I'm going to begin where it all started: Manga/Anime/Dorama.

Manga and anime is how I got into Japan in the first place. It started with the ordinary animes: Pokémon, Digimon and Sailor Moon. When I was 11 a friend of mine introduced a comic called W.i.t.c.h.. On the back of it it said something along the line of "a brand new comic in manga style". I had no idea what manga was so I looked it up online and then I found this comic magazine called Manga Mania... Manga Mania contained Chobits, Love Hina, GTO and School Rumble when I started out, but during the years some of the mangas were switched out. Then it switched name to Shojo Stars with completely new comics... Anyway it all started with W.i.t.c.h. and Manga Mania. At the very peak I think I had about 200 volumes of manga. I'll show off my old manga shelves:
Obviously I've read more than that, for example Nana and Paradise Kiss. But when I discovered OneManga I read loads more than I did when I only had the manga in book form. One of my favourites there was Doubt. Anyway I've read most common ones. The only series left in my bookshelf now are Death Note and Godchild. Then I have some random volumes too, like Watashi no Suki na Hito, Nana, Durarara!, Naruto (cause they all are in Japanese), Azumanga Daioh, Chronicles of the Grimm Peddler, FairyTail, School Rumble and Ju-On.
I still love manga way more than I like anime. But I'm only reading One Piece, Naruto, Bleach, FairyTail and the occasional D.Gray-Man nowadays. Since OneManga closed I've kind of gotten rid of my addiction to reading manga all the time. Not even MangaReader is helping. Maybe I'll have the time and energy to pick up reading manga again sometime in the future.

I was never as crazy about anime as I was about manga. But some of the best ones I've seen were recommended to me by an old boyfriend and I still have them on my HDD: Tengen Toppa Gurren Lagann, Baccano! and Durarara!. I was never a fan of Hetalia, but I love, love, love, love Ouran High School Host Club. One of the first animes I ever fell in love with was Card Captor Sakura, it's so cute and fun and exciting. That old boyfriend really liked anime and used to watch them online from some streaming site. Another one I remember that was okay was Baka to Test to shoukanjuu. The main problem I have with anime is that it usually looks so cheap. It didn't bother me when I was little and that's why I can still watch Pokémon and not care that it looks terribly cheap. But in many cases it does. Some parts of Tengen looks cheap, but overall it's nice. Baccano! and Durarara! have so awesome characters and stories that the overall look of the anime kind of disappears.

Anyway, the reason why I feel in love with manga in the first place was probably the drawing style. The first manga I truly loved was Chobits and the way Chii looks is just... adorably beautiful.
The beautiful drawing style is obvious in my favourites Chobits, Godchild, Sugar Sugar Rune and Model.
But then there are also the stories that appeal to me. The characters usually have very ordinary traits and they are easy to relate to even after they get awesome superpowers and save the world a couple of times. The stories are usually like entire movies in comic form and the more exciting ones are almost always inspired by sci-fi and/or fantasy. One Piece is my absolute favourite manga, although the main character is obnoxious and although the drawing style isn't very beautiful or complicated. I love D.Gray-Man because of it's beautiful and sad story.
Manga is movies and books in comic form - easier to read, but the pictures clearly transmit the feelings of the characters or the serenity of the scene. Despite it being in black and white. Anime is usually based on manga and it's not always they manage to transmit the message in the anime as well as in the manga, but sometimes the anime turns out better - as is the case with Baccano!. Still anime is waaaaaaay better than our western cartoons. They are more watchable for all ages and they are less hysterical (the voice actors don't sound hysterical all the time).

Then there's dorama (which is the Japanese pronounciation for drama). I haven't been as crazy about dorama for as long a time as manga. I think it was in early 2009 when I first fell in love with dorama. A friend of mine who loved Oguri Shun showed me Hanazakari no Kimitachi e and Hana Yori Dango. Loved both. Then I found SARS webpage and started to download subbed dorama episodes myself. I soon fell in love with Koizora, Stand Up!, Gal Circle and Gokusen too. Then I took a break from it and last year I decided to give it another shot. That's when I discovered the Liar Game franchise. OMG I love it! And I've recently seen the dorama for Ouran High School Host Club, which was hilarious and awesome. Totally loved it. The reason why I love dorama isn't because it has to be super serious all the time, the dorama is allowed to be a little weird - especially if it's based on a manga or anime. Then there are those that are just heartbreakingly beautiful like Koizora. I loved the manga Paradise Kiss, but the anime was plain bad, so when they announced that a movie was going to be made from it I was very sceptical towards the whole concept. But now I've seen it and I love it! It's fantastic! Not entirely canon, but well - fantastic!

Monday, 26 November 2012

Studying fulltime vs Working fulltime

I'm gonna be a little bitter at society again. Cause it bothers me when people tell us students that we don't work hard and that we don't know what it is to work. It makes me angry. Working seems like freetime heaven compared to studying fulltime.

First of all you have your alloted vacation days. And if I've understood everything correctly then you can decide to use one whenever you like, right? Okay, technically we have no guaranteed vacation days. At university vacation is something you earn. If you pass all your exams then you get your vacation (Christmas and summer), if you fail then you'll spend the entire "vacation" studying for the resit. We only have time off on bank holidays during Easter, and once again only if you have nothing to study. And during summer, well, we don't have time off at all since we need to work if we want to stay alive and not get evicted. So those precious summer vacation days you have? They're scarce for us. 

Second of all you get the money you deserve, you have your alloted salary. And if I'm not mistaken it's considered to be quite on the low side if it's below 20,000 SEK per month (~€2000). Wow, when I get 11,000 SEK in January I feel rich. Does that tell you anything about how much money students have? Usually I get about 8,900 SEK per month. Half of that is rent, then there's electricity, mobile, internet and food, whatever is left should be saved up in case of emergency or wanting to have some fun at some point in your life. Oh, and some of that has to be put into a monthly commuters' card too, since the cheaper flats are out of town and not many can afford to have their own car or even learn how to drive. Actually it's considered to be below the minimum for existence, but I've yet to meet someone who actually thinks students deserve more money (who's not a student themselves). And I don't even "get" all of that. 2,500 SEK is what I recieve monthly, the rest is borrowed money and they will start demanding the money back as soon as I get a job. 

Third of all, usually when you leave work to go home that's it for the day. And when you leave work on Friday evening that's it for the week. That's usually not the case for students. You get up, go to classes, go home, and then spend hours studying. I usually try to give myself the day off on Saturdays and only work on half of Friday. But Sunday is a working day as well as every other day of the week. Free weekends? What's that?

So you have your alloted vacation days, you have loads of money in comparison and you get the weekends off. You still think we don't know what it is to work hard, do you? Then take a look at the statistics and realise how many young people of today are falling into poor mental and physical health due to stress, anxiety and insanely unrealistic demands. It's not cause we're "young and everyone goes through a tough patch in their youth". It starts in high school and continues for ages. It doesn't end when puberty does. It's because of the world you've created for us. Demands to be the best at everything or the employers won't even look twice at you, the stress of making ends meet economically with means too small, the anxiety you get from not being able to do what you want to.

Then people have the audacity to blame us when they realise that the youth unemployment rate is skyhigh. Well, no wonder. We've heard our entire lifetimes that we can do whatever we want and be whatever we want. We spend our entire lives devoted to making that happen, study to get that job we want to do for the rest of our lives, getting the experience, meeting the demands... And when we have all that, when we're done studying, we go out into the real world and realise that no, that job isn't in demand anymore. You can't do what you want to do, what you've been told your entire life that you can do. That realisation is extremely painful. But none of us wants to be the cashier at the supermarket, or work at McDonald's, or be a telephone salesperson. So we rather just stay at home if we can, but in return we get bashed for not doing anything worthwhile. Gee, thanks, guys. 

So, we're not being ungrateful, but you're being a friggin pain in the ass. You've created this messed up system. If we don't fit, is it your system or us that you should fix?
Welcome to your life. We have got you in our sights. And thoughts of God are better left alone. It's in your head, black n' blue, what they told you wasn't true. Come along and fight with the unknown. The Army's grown. We'll pray to all the wrong decisions. This time you'll show all you can be. Grab your weapons now, we'll run against the crowd. And changing history. Let's take the vow, we will show you how. Your time has come for the new religion. Your voice is proud, be your savior now. The battle's won for the new religion. No one can defeat what the congregation speaks. Bound together the flag that we defend. They made a fool out of you but you knew just what to do. Raise your fists up and stand until the end. [...] Come now and imagine with me. Taking back a world that once was ours. Let's regain the power and then we will end what we've begun. [...] We are the unholy. We are the bastard sons of your media culture. Our minds, eyes and bodies were born of your exclusion. An illusion you hide behind. You don't love a God, you love your comfort. To you we are filth, we are dirty, so be it. We are dirty and unclean, a congregation of the unseen. Together we will set this world on fire. This is the new religion.

Tuesday, 20 November 2012

A few crazy days

Last Wednesday I had a slight mental breakdown over the amount of schoolwork I had to do. How did I manage this so much better in sixth form (pretty much straight A's and B's)? Now an upcoming exam is all it takes for me to get stressed out and wish I had stopped studying and gone straight to working life. How did I go from staright A's and B's to balancing on the border of failing? What the hell happened along the road?

Anyway because of my small mental breakdown I made up a plan of what I had to study to get everything done in time. So get ready.
  • Study for my resit in Japanese grammar that I had on my birthday last Friday 16th
  • Write the script for a presentation in Japanese about some part of Japanese culture. If we wanted it corrected before the presentation itself it had to be handed in before Thursday 22nd
  • Study for my resit in French composition that I had today
  • Write down all my sources for the essay I'll write this course and comment them in a way so that an outsider can understand it. To be handed in before Monday 26th
  • Write an opposition in French on a French essay so that I can finally get a grade on my dissertation. To be finished before the end of November.
  • Actually do the presentation on November 26th or December 3rd
  • Write an essay on the same subject on which I do my Japanese presentation. Essay is to be in Japanese. To be handed in not later than December 6th.
Those are the most pressing things right now. Then there'll ofc be studying for the exam on December 15th and I'll have to actually write my course essay and hand it in before December 20th. Other than that I have nothing to do. This semester is intense. 

So to relax I got this crazy idea - I was going to start watching PewdiePie's videos from the beginning, going through his playlists. The first playlist mostly contained private videos but there was two early videos. One of him playing Crysis 2 and the other one playing Black Ops. I'm not much for shooters so the fun part really started when I got started on the next playlist: Amnesia The Dark Descent Playthrough. Now I really wanna try out Amnesia again after watching the entire game. I love the steampunk theme of it :) Next playlist was Dead Space 2. Seemingly a horror shooter. I tired of watching it somewhere halfway through and went on to the next: Penumbra Overture, which was kind of fun, but not as fun as the one I'm currently working on: Penumbra Black Plague. Letting the playlists keep rolling while I study makes the studying so much more fun. If it's a very intense period in the game and I need to concentrate I pause the vid, otherwise I just pause the studying :P Thus far it has worked really well :)

My life has suddenly turned into a studying marathon and unable to play myself I watch others play xD If I manage to do all that and pass all of it, then I'll have a free Christmas and be completely free to do whatever until next semester starts on January 21st :) Fingers crossed!

I keep having urges to just quit and go do something else. But Japanese still is really fun :) I love the classes and the teachers. It's just the workload that's killing me. Japanese and I are the best of friends, French and I never really agree on anything...
I don't know why my whole world came crashing down. I just woke up in lonely town. I opened up my eyes and much to my surprise looked at this heaven that I've found. Don't need to care about tomorrow. I got no pain, I got no sorrow. I'm the last man on earth so tell me what it's worth. Am I a beggar or a king? Got no trouble, got no time. Eternity is mine. I got a whole lot of everything. I can take this town and just burn it to the ground. Smash every window that I see. I can smoke, I can drink, I can swear and I can stink. There ain't no one to bother me, no no. Don't need to care about tomorrow. I got to pain, I got no sorrow. I'm the last man on earth so tell me what it's worth. Am I a beggar or a king? Got no trouble, got no time. Eternity is mine. I got a whole lot of everything. It's all mine... There's not a single soul to talk to me, but that's ok I never liked them. I'm the last man on earth and I know what it's worth. I'm not a beggar, I'm a king! Got no troubles, got no time, and everything is fine! Cause I'm the king of everything. It's all mine... Mine, mine, mine, mine, mine, mine...

Saturday, 17 November 2012

Twenty-two

So yeah, now I'm suddenly a year older than two days ago. Starnge how that happens. My presents this year made me feel a little more adutlike than last year. I got a microwave, electric advent candlesticks and a pot plant and money from my parents and grand-parents. Well, I really did ask for the microwave and I was going to buy the candlesticks anyway so.

The best gift this year, however, was the Xbox 360 Slim that I got from Toni :)

To get a countereffect from all the adultness I'll add this video:

Tuesday, 13 November 2012

Games I'm playing

I find myself playing a whole lot of games lately. Or rather I have loads of games that I've started and should finish in some way or another. Each description of a game can contain spoilers if you haven't played that far. Although I haven't really played that far on any game tbh...

~Computer~

Skyrim. Well, I guess you all know about this one xD I'm a level 40 dark elf mage. On top of being the Dragonborn I'm with the Thieves Guild and the Dark Brotherhood and I'm a Nightingale. I'm the Archmage of the Mages' College and I'm the Harbinger of the Companions, and also - I'm a Werewolf. I'm with the Legion, but I've helped some Stormcloaks escape Skyrim as a sidequest from that old woman selling jewelry at the market in Whiterun. I help both Greybeards and Blades (actually I cheated so I didn't have to choose, by deleting the quest to kill Paarthurnax). I've defeated Alduin once and I've captured a dragon in Dragonsreach. I've tried three times now to go through Skuldafn Courtyard and I've actually managed once to get past the two dragons, all the Draugr Scourges and all the Draugr Deathlords. But when I finally got inside the Skuldafn temple I had run out of Health and Magicka potions so I couldn't continue since there were more Draugr Scourges and Deathlords up ahead. Great. So I'm postponing that a bit, although I'm kind of scared that if I get to a higher level the Scourges may be exchanged for Deathlords and the Deathlords may be exchanged for Death Overlords. I don't wanna! *pout* Anyway, instead I'm working on the big quest for the Dark Brotherhood to slay the emperor and I'm halfway. But before I can continue I need to get my Speech up to level 100, cause the people of Markarth are grumpy since I killed a person, and they want to bring me to Cidhna Mine prison, but I've already broken out of that prison along with all the Forsworn so they can't and we just stand there staring at each other going through the same conversation over and over again. So yeah. That's when I stopped playing, cause grinding never was a strong suite of mine.

The Sims 3. I decided to give the third installment another chance. I created a Sim, gave her a career, after much ado I even gave her a husband and twin boys. And that's when it stopped being fun. I'm not sure whether I like the open neighbourhood or not. It's nice not having to wait for loading screens every time I want to go somewhere with my Sim, but at the same time it makes it kind of stressful and difficult keeping track of more than one Sim at once. Because of that creating a large family suddenly isn't as appealing anymore. I like that they have wishes and that the wishes have effects on the mood in a much larger scale than they did in two, but if I only want that then I can play The Sims Medieval. So no. Still not a fan of three.

The Sims Medieval. This game got another go when I discovered the Pirates & Nobles expansion pack. I loved the new quests and I've made great kingdoms both on Toni's computer and my own. I really enjoy playing as the Witch, the Bloodletter and the Blacksmith :) They make for very fun quests and their day-to-day responsibilities are funnier than most. But sometimes it's nice playing as the Monarch and get to kill people for offending you. That's kind of fun too xD

Empire: Total War. I bought this recently. I wanted a newer version than Medieval II: Total War. I haven't played that much yet, but it's larger. I play as Sweden, back when it was an empire, and I've just started a war against Russia. Or well, they declared war against me and then I captured Moscow. Well, don't piss me off, okay? If you don't then maybe you'll get to keep your cities *evil laughter* What had me totally dumbfounded when I started playing was the fact that the soldiers and all the playable characters spoke in Swedish. Real, clear, non-accented, Stockholm Swedish. I was like: "WHAT THE FUCK!?!?!" when I first heard it, now I just think it's hysterical. In Medieval II, the characters and soldiers all spoke in English, but depending on the country it was heavily accented English. I also love that it's not just Europe anymore. You can continue to expand your empire all the way through Asia, Africa and America as well. Awesome :3 Another thing is that I have yet to figure out how to cheat with money on this game so I have to build and recruit carefully and actually think about what I'm doing xD I feel more at home at the European map and it doesn't feel like they've tried to make it over-the-top-fancy as they did with Total War: Shogun 2 (although I did enjoy the painted landscape that showed non-charted territory).

Dragon Age: Origins. I bought this at the same time as I bought Empire: Total War, but it took longer for me to install it. I had only heard about how great it's supposed to be and hadn't really any clue how it looked or worked, but I figured it would be like Skyrim. How wrong I was. So I created my character: an elf mage (I like mages alright) and I did not expect to immediately be plunged into battle the way I was when put into the Fade for my Harrowing. I had a hard time with the fighting style first, since I expected the fast-paced fighting of Skyrim and instead found me with abilities having to recharge and all that stuff. But I had got it figured out (I think) by the time I got to Ostagar. What I do have a problem with so far is that the story seems a little predictable. I did predict that Mouse was in fact the demon, and now I'm predicting that Jowan will become one of the demons or evil mages I'll have to fight later on when I'm more involved with the Grey Wardens. After I got to Ostagar I stopped playing and I haven't really had the time and energy to sit down and get into the story and the world. Might have time this weekend.

Spore. I blame PewdiePie for this. After watching his video I had ro re-install it and give it a go. It had me entertained for the whole evening - before it crashed. Luckily the game autosaves so everything I did will probably still be there. I've played through this game once before and gotten to the space stage. That's when it stopped being fun. Maybe got too sci-fi-y, I don't know... I'll try to play through the entire game once again. Wonder what happens if I clear the space stage? I currently am at the creature stage, but will very soon clear that stage and move on to tribal stage. Honestly, the funniest stage of this game is the cell stage xD

The Sims 2. First I couldn't decide whether to add this one or not, but I did in the end. This game is henceforth banned to only be played on my laptop. With all the other games all the expansions of two takes up way too much room on my HDD. I'm still working on that family that I've been on since last Christmas. My fourth generation is coming along nicely, albeit a bit slower than the others due to my lack of playing. I do enjoy this game occasionally and that's why I'm keeping my saves and continue this game on my laptop rather than on my stationary computer.

~360~

Alice: Madness Returns. I originally played this game on the computer, but I was told that it would probably be easier on a console. So Toni bought it for me to play on his 360. I've come further than I ever did on the computer and I'll soon be done with chapter 1. I'm currently out looking for the Hatter's legs that were stolen by the Hare. I previously retrieved his arms that were stolen by the Mouse. And after I'm done with that and have put the Hatter back together I believe I'm done with chapter one. I'm excited to see what comes next :) I still think the game is beautiful and I love that you're collecting teeth and roses. The Madcaps remind me a lot of the Gnomes in the first Harry Potter computer game, but they're the most fun ones to fight. I really really really don't like the Eyepots. But the Insidious ruins and the Menacing ruins are alright. Mostly because they look cool xD I love how the game is girly and cool at the same time. I love how Alice hiccups every time she drinks the shrinking potion, as if she were drunk. Simply - I love this game despite how difficult it is and how many times I fail and rage quit. Could someone please remember to remind me of that next time I rage quit? ;)

~DS~

Heroes of Mana. It was a while ago I bought and played this. I spent an entire day playing through it and when I got to the end I spent forever trying to do everything at the same time. In the end I rage quitted and threw my DS across the room. I like that the game works a bit like (what I conclude) Starcraft 2 does. You build bases where you can recruit creatures. Some of these creatures fight for you, others collect materials that are needed to recruit more creatures and build more bases. The fighting isn't turn-based, which has been the case to most games I've played on my DS. Like Might & Magic: Clash of Heroes. Anyway. I got all the way and had just saved the princess when her mother dies and while she's paralyzed with shock and sorrow I have to protect her and the spaceship and the bases of my creatures. While the opponents creatures steal away all my resources so I don't have enough to recruit enough troops to help me fight. Simply, I grew crazy with it. But the game was way better than I had originally anticipated and I will finish it - at some point. 

Pokémon SoulSilver Version. This is my favourite version and I think I'm on my fourth attempt at a playthrough. I love that there are only the first and second generations of Pokémon (the best ones) so I feel at home right away cause I recognise them all from when I was little. What has me stop playing every time is the grinding momento. I don't want to go *shuffle shuffle shuffle* through the tall grass all the friggin' time. But I will get to the Pokémon League at some point!

Rayman 10th Anniversary. Some years ago I found out that the original Rayman game was on a GBA-game called 10th Anniversary along with another Rayman game. I immediately turned to the Internet and found one at Swedish eBay (Tradera). So worth the money. I've come further than I ever did when I could still play this game on the computer (stopped working after Vista since it's a DOS-based game). My favourite world is still the Band Land, although I'm getting strangely attached to Picture City as well. I only ever play the original game, thus I actually have no idea which is the other game on the GBA. But on the other hand I haven't liked a single Rayman game since the original either (except for Raving Rabbids, but that doesn't really count as Rayman anymore). They fixed the game although it wasn't broken :( I love the music to Band Land. Here's a YouTube sample

Other games I have to finish on my DS: SimCity Creator, Overlord Minions, Pokémon White Version, Plants vs. Zombies, Rayman Raving Rabbids TV Party
Games I have to start playing on my DS: Pirates of the Caribbean LEGO, Harry Potter LEGO Years 5-7, Final Fantasy Crystal Chronicles: Echoes of Time

~PS2~

I haven't played on my PS2 for ages. But the games I do have to finish are these:
  • Guitar Hero III: Legends of Rock
  • Disney's Donald Duck Quack Attack
  • Naruto: Uzumaki Chronicles
----------------------------------------------------------------------------

Well that's it for all the games I'm working on xD 
Now you know what I'm up to when I'm not blogging or studying xD

Monday, 5 November 2012

Body ideals can go screw themselves

I'm angry. Terribly angry. Just read a blog post from some idiot Swedish girl who said that it's weird with it being so okay with girls being buxom in Sweden and not as thin as in all the big cities she's been to. That it's unhealthy and none of the buxom girls are fit and content with their bodies. Original post here. Suddenly it's even less strange that many girls of today are starving themselves to meet impossible standards. 

Like so many other girls, I was convinced that I was abnormal, large, ugly and fat. It's not until recently that I've started to realise that maybe I am pretty, maybe I do look good, maybe I don't need all that shit that media tells me I do. But I always did think that if I lost all that weight 'til I ended up at 63kg ("ideal weight" for my height) I'd be pretty, if I got that flat and fit belly I'd be hot, and if I lost three cups so I ended up at B, instead of present E, and could fit into any kind of clothing easily then I'd be normal. If I could lose 10 cm on top of that I'd not be large. And who the hell says I'm unhealthy just cause I'm not on any friggin diet?

According to BMI I'm overweight. My 78 kg are too much for my 173 cm. BMI tells me so, the scale tells me so, but the people, the people keep telling me I'm beautiful and pretty. Now that I look back I realise that boys have been interested in me for years - I just haven't seen it. Today I often catch people looking at me at the bus or on the train. Usually I wonder why. Wondering if I look weird or if I have something in my face. Maybe I'm just pretty? I'd like to think so.

The horror if I'd be considered pretty. I'm too tall, too fat, too pale, too nerdy, too much tomboy to be considered pretty given present standards, right? The horror if a dorky nerdy geek girl could be considered pretty, right?

So you tell me.

Am I pretty?


My comment at the blog post:
Jag blir arg när jag läser det här. Jag väger 78 kilo. Jag är 173 cm lång. Enligt BMI är jag överviktig, enligt folk är jag snygg. Och det är bara den sista månaden som jag börjat inse det så smått själv. Vet du varför? För jag var övertygad om att ifall jag skulle vara snygg var jag tvungen att väga 63 kg ("idealvikten för mina 173 cm), ha en pytteliten B-kupa istället för nuvarande E-kupan, platt vältränad mage och gärna vara 10 cm kortare också. Guess what? None of it's gonna happen. Du är en fucking jävla idiot och jag blir rädd av att tänka på att världen är full av såna som du. Det här jävla idealet som du har fått på hjärnan har bara funnits de senaste ca 40 åren. Under resten av historien skulle kvinnor ha breda höfter och stor byst för det var ett tecken på bra barnafödande och ansågs vackert. INGET AV DET ÄR FUCKING MÖJLIGT OM MAN SKA SVÄLTA SIG SJÄLV TILL "IDEALVIKT". Men det gamla idealet är hälsosammare.Tack för mig, gå och dra nåt gammalt över dig.

Saturday, 3 November 2012

A few busy days

I've had a busy few days since Halloween. Thursday afternoon I spent in the library searching for books and articles that could possibly be used as sources for my upcoming essay, as well as trying to finish off as much homework as possible before the weekend. I got home around 7pm and all I did was heat up leftover soup and hang around the Internet for some hours before I fell into bed.

Friday was a busy day for me. I had a laundry day that I combined with scrubbing the flat 'til it gleamed and getting the rest of my schoolwork out of the way. I was done about 9pm and that's when I started playing The Sims 2 instead. Although I still love Skyrim I feel like taking a break and I feel quite wound up in the world of Sims again :)

Today I went to the new mall here in Malmö called Emporia. It's supposed to be the largest one in Scandinavia, and it was HUGE. And really cool. A bit too many people (or Swedes just don't know how to be around that many people), the music was a bit too loud, and there were way too many baby carriages, crying babies and missing children. I don't understand why any parent or grandparent would go through the trouble it must be to bring a child or a baby to a location like that. I go crazy just seeing them. Wonder how crazy they go being them. I ended up at New Yorker first. As far as I know this is only the second location of that store in Malmö. It's not always that I find something at New Yorker, but when I do it's usually really cool stuff and today I got out of there with one knitted shirt, one t-shirt, underwear and socks. Then I went to Game. Just had to, since it was right there. I looked around at the Xbox games, the DS games and then at the PC games. There I found Dragon Age: Origins, which I had planned to play for a really long time and might start playing some time soon. I also found Empire: Total War. I love Medieval II: Total War, but I was really disappointed by Shogun 2: Total War. It just had a feeling that they had tried too hard making it. Empire seems more similar to Medieval II. I also found a compilation package of the first three Harry Potter computer games. I considered buying it since my edition of the first game doesn't work properly anymore, but then I decided against it. Partly because the first game really isn't that funny when you can play through it in a few hours without difficulty xD I also considered buying Bioshock 2, but I really want to play the first one before I play the second one so I decided not to buy it. In the end I bought three games: two computer games for me and one xbox game for Toni ^^ Some pictures from the day: