Sunday, 11 August 2013

Early memories

People are sometimes amazed over my memory and how much I actually remember. In the meantime I'm more amazed over the fact that people don't remember stuff. Cause I can't imagine not remembering. I just do. So one thing I decided to share with you are my earliest memories. Those from the age of around five and younger. How much do you remember from that period of your life? Cause I remember a lot.

These first two I'm not sure about which is the older. The one I think is the oldest I'm not even sure if I have made up or if it's real.

One. It was a day in the beginning of the year. I remember that it was grey, like one of those days when it's not really winter anymore and not yet spring. I think it must be quite recently after my little sister was born, cause before she was born I always thought she'd be a boy. My mum asked me what I thought my little sister should be called and I remember saying Anna or Emma. Mostly because I was too young to be able to think outside of the names of people I knew and I knew two girls named Anna and Emma. I also remember that I didn't like them much xD I'm not sure if this is real, mostly because my mum doesn't remember it at all. But I'm pretty sure about the grey weather and the names Anna and Emma. My sister was born when I was three years old.

Two. A hospital oxygen mask being pressed over my face and making me terrified. If the other one isn't real then this is my earliest memory. What does that make me that my earliest memory is of being scared? I had had a nightmare that gave me croup and Mum and Dad took me to the hospital. By the time the nurse started pulling the mask over my face I could already breathe normally again and she was so rough doing it that she made me terrified. I still remember that nightmare. I still remember that mask. I think I was three or four years old.

For the next three I think I was four or five.

Three. The evening before I had forgotten my mittens at the playground. It was in the middle of winter. When I got out to play the next day I found my mittens. Frozen solid. I had probably taken them off cause they got soaked through from the snow. Now they were frozen solid and I was so sad cause I thought they were ruined. I brought them home while crying. Mum laughed a little and put them in the drying cabinet and I was so happy when they came out of there completely normal.

Four. I had been stung by a bee. (I don't actually remember being stung) I had put my hand on a bee without realising and been stung in the middle of my hand. The sting was still in and my parents left it there cause I hated the tweezers. This memory is my grandmother looking at my hand through a magnifying glass. We were sat in her sofa for tea time, and I was eating biscuits while she examined my hand.

Five. This is also a dream that I remember vividly. I was at my grandmother's place and everything was as it used to be. My little sister and I playing on the floor and at the same time watching Cartoon Network on her TV. I remember my eyelids being impossibly heavy and I was so so tired and I just wanted to sleep. So I went to sleep in my grandmother's bed and that's when I woke up in my own bed. It's not until then that I realised that it had been a dream, cause it had felt so real, and except for the heavy eyelids nothing had been weird about it.

When I was 6 years old and started pre-school my memories started flowing together and forming a life rather than small separate rememberable instances. But except for these five memories I also remember what we used to do at daycare. Where we used to eat, where we used to play, what we used to play, my friends' names, the colouring room and the napping room... I remember all of that and also what the rooms felt like and looked like. It has nothing to do with the fact that I was job practicing there when I was 13. Cause from those days I remember the disappointment I felt at nothing feeling or looking the same as it used to. But after 6 my life became a steady flow of remembered school days and vacations.

I have a sort of eidetic memory, except that it's a little faulty and not absolutely perfect. I'm not like Sheldon. But I find it hard to forget most of the time. My sense of location sucks. I remember what places look like, but I don't remember how to move in between them or how to get to one of those places I remember. I remember all the things that happened to me at school and that's also why I find it hard to forgive - cause I know I won't forget. If I still remember everything we did in daycare - how long do you think it'll be before I forget what happened in school?

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