2020 recap

This whole year has been so strange. I remember we welcomed 2020 with Year Zero as the first song played after midnight. It seemed fitting. And in January this year seemed to be like any other year. I got my only international trip done in January and it was a success! In February I went to visit my parents and to celebrate my grandmother's birthday as I usually do. 

Then corona came. At first it seemed like it would be something happening all the way over there. In Asia. Far away from here. Then it broke out in Italy, and when all the Swedes came back from their Alpine skiing trips it broke out here in early March. It was so strange. March is usually a very busy month at the hotel where I work and this year was no exception. We literally watched the hotel go from fully booked to almost empty in less than a week, and for the following weeks all we did were cancellations. Getting a reservation, any reservation, was a cause for celebration. My two following trips to visit my parents were cancelled, the music festival we go to every year was cancelled, and any planes of going abroad again this summer were cancelled. Along with everything that happened came the fear of losing our jobs, and there were a lot of people being let go (with the promise to be reinstated should things return to normal) and most of the people that weren't let go were put on furlough. But even with all the restrictions and all the things happening there was a hope that this would just be a quick thing and by September we would be up and running as normal again. We were basically at war with a virus. An enemy that seemed to have all the advantages no matter what we did. But I dreamed of the day I'd be able to proclaim that we did it! And happily go to work facing a fully booked hotel and 120 arrival rooms on a Monday. Raise Your Horns became my soundtrack for the entire spring of 2020.

The summer came and the amount of new cases went down. People relaxed and with the summer holidays came the summer guests and things almost seemed normal again. July to October was incredibly busy for the amount of staff we had left. The whole summer disappeared in a daze and somewhere around September it started to feel like five years had passed since March. With numbers slowly starting to climb back up to normal and still with the diminished staff caused by corona we all had to work so very hard to keep the place running as smoothly as possible. Head Above Water became my soundtrack for this period. It was the perfect song to make me feel strong enough to face more. 

Then came the second wave in the beginning of November and any hope of us beating this thing within the year dimmed and died. Around the same time I grew sick of all the stupid platitudes people in charge kept feeding us. All the "stay strong"s and "hold on"s made me sigh and roll my eyes. I don't need platitudes anymore, or reassurances. I don't think any of us do. We've been holding on the entire year. We know we have to just bite down and keep on going. What else can we do? Telling us to do so is just a pat on the head, as if we didn't already know. I'm sick of hearing about it, I'm sick of thinking about it, I'm sick of wondering whether I'll get it again. I'm just sick of it all. 

This recap somehow became a fuck 2020 post. But I'll go with it.

There's nothing anyone can do. There's nothing anyone can say. There's little can be done right now to make this go away. Clichéd simple platitudes do naught to quell the dread and the breadth of gravity just send me crawling back to bed. It's useless in this moment to say we'll get through this somehow. There's time enough for action but that time isn't now. Soon we can stop planning for what may come to be, but what I could really use right now is a bacon roll and a cup of tea. I don't need positive affirmations, I need to scream and bawl. The unrealistic expectations won't help with this at all. This is shit. Well, this is shit. I'm not expecting answers, because they're out of your remit. I'm not looking for solutions just someone to admit that this is shit, this is shit, this is shit. You're trying to be helpful and that is always nice. But right now your logic only grates so don't try to give advice. I need someone to rant at who'll not judge or take offense of my incessant fucking swearing and my unfiltered sentiment. So stop the pragmatic intervention just nod and say you'll understand. Pretend I'm not being an unreasonable arsehole and hold on to my hand. This is shit. Oh, this is shit. I'm not expecting answers, because they're out of your remit. I'm not looking for solutions just someone to admit that this is shit, this is shit, this is shit. So let's just sit and quietly get pissed and drunkenly attempt to overanalyze all of this. We may now be bidding the old times goodbye so let's not feel too embarrassed to have a bloody good cry. This is shit. Well, this is shit. I'm not expecting answers, because they're out of your remit. I'm not looking for solutions just someone to admit that this is shit, this is shit, this is shit.