Tuesday, 27 July 2010

Kinda philosophical...

Monday night got me thinking a great deal about myself and how I act. How people might look at me. Pondering on why I stay extremely introverted instead of showing myself, telling people who I am and what I want, what I think. I should say more, talk more, be more extroverted. But it's hard to change a habit of ten years. For such a long time I've expressed myself with the written word, not the spoken. It used to be my way of letting go of anger or frustration, a stress releif, now it's become a part of me. I don't know how to stop and I don't really wanna stop. Writing is my friend. But I've noticed more and more lately how introverted I really am. How stuck in my imagination and my own little world I really am, and I can't honestly say whether I wanna leave that place and face the bitter reality and start to grow up, or stay there in a blissed state of obliviousness where I can't be harmed.

Once again my life is changing; new class, new school, new people. And as always it's scaring the shit out of me. I've been accused of being conservative more than once, but change scares me. Especially when it comes to school. School is a scary place. People are evil and inconsiderate and I know I'm no better, because I'm human too.

I guess I just want something, someone, solid. Something that won't change. Someone who will hold me forever and never let go, never leave, never change. But that wish will never come true. Because time and we as humans are everchanging.

I guess I need to start believing in fairy tales. "Fairy tales don't teach children that dragons exist. Children already know this. Fairy tales teach children that dragons can be slayed." And there's one big, fat ass dragon that I need to slay.

Friday, 23 July 2010

I Will Be

There's nothing I could say to you
Nothing I could ever do to make you see
What you mean to me

All the pain, the tears I cried
Still you never said goodbye and now I know
How far you'd go

I know I let you down
But it's not like that now
This time I'll never let you go

I will be all that you want
and get myself together
cos you keep me from falling apart
All my life I'll be with you forever
To get you through the day
and make everything OK

I thought that I had everything
I didn't know what life could bring
But now I see, honestly

You're the one thing I got right
The only one I let inside
Now I can breathe, cos you're here with me

And if I let you down
I'll turn it all around
Cos I will never let you go

I will be all that you want
and get myself together
cos you keep me from falling apart
All my life I'll be with you forever
To get you through the day
and make everything OK

Cos without you I can't sleep
I'm not gonna ever ever let you leave
You're all I've got, you're all I want

And without you I don't know what I'd do
I could never ever live a day without you
Here with me, do you see
You're all I need

And I will be all that you want
and get myself together
cos you keep me from falling apart
All my life I'll be with you forever
to get you through the day
and make everything OK

Thursday, 15 July 2010

Old fandoms

I feel like I need something new to go crazy about. Everything I've ever been nerdy about is coming to an end or is set on hold. What to do?

Harry Potter: Practically over. I mean two more films and then what? Guess I gotta go to Orlando sometime...

Heroes: The season finale of season 4 turned out to be the show finale. So it's over. Suddenly. Without warning. Only a rumour of a made for TV-movie to keep us hoping.

Code Lyoko: Was over almost as soon as my nerdiness caught me. Four seasons of great story. Properly finished, though.

Jonas Brothers: Ended about a year ago. Nowadays I only listen to Love Bug sometimes. And for some reason Nick's wailing has started to bug me.

Avril Lavigne: Ended with The Best Damn Thing. Although, if her new album puts up to the old standards I might go crazy about her again.

Hello! Project: The current line-up fails to catch my attention in the same way the Elder Club did. Without them H!P is nothing much, although fairly unique.

Pirates of the Caribbean: So long as there's love there's hope. But although there'll be a fourth film and presumably a fifth, they wont be the same. Sure Jack Sparrow makes the story but without the other two in the line-up it will feel strangely empty I think.... So that one's probably over.

Mythology: Had it's peek in 8th grade when I tried to make a family tree of the Greek gods. Proved exceedingly difficult. Since then I've had my fair share of Greek, Egyptian, Celtic, Japanese and Scandinavian mythology.

Eddings: I started reading The Belgariad when I was 13 and that's when it escalated. I wanted everything he'd written. I even have that one book that's not fantasy... I try to delay the fact that after I've finished his latest series there will be no more. That will be the definite end of it. The end of an era for me.

So to sum it up. I need a new book series, a new TV-series, a new anime, a new musical artist, a new film series, a new author and a new historical thingy to be crazy and nerdy about. Any suggestions?

Sunday, 11 July 2010


Last winter I did a post praising the cold and winter. Today I figured I'd do a post complaining about heat and summer. Because today it's been the second day of 30 degrees and it's gonna be the same and even a little warmer tomorrow. And I hate it, hate it, hate it!

In Japan I didn't mind the heat. 26 degrees at 6am felt like nothing. Sure it was warm, but it was nice warmth. In this friggin country it can't get over 25 degrees without becoming the kind of sticky, pressuring heat that leaves you completely unable to do anything.

I hate waking up in the morning feeling as if someone drowned me in liquid sugar, since you've been sweating in your sleep all night your skin is all sticky. A cold shower is lovely, but unfortunately it lasts for about five minutes after you step out of the shower.

And since you sweat all day, 24/7, you have to drink all the time and I'm never so sick of drinking water as I am in summer. And since it's the pressuring heat everyone gets tired and easily annoyed. So it always ends in people arguing because they are so easily irritated.

Now I do understand why people lose weight in summer. They friggin sweat it out! And you also eat less during summer because it's so awfully hot that you're never hungry.

Then there's the mosquitos and the bugs! I turn the lights on for a second after dark and my room is buzzing with insects and thus I have to hunt them all down and kill them for about half an hour before I can actually go to sleep. Because if I close the window the heat gets even worse. I sleep with the window open and my bed beneath it, hoping that some wind might cool me down while I'm sleeping.

It's possible to momentarily stop the heat from getting to your head with ice cream, ice water, ice slush etc etc. But it's just momentarily.

And what's the point in sweating like you're doing the biggest work-out of your life when you're sitting in front of the friggin computer and not moving at all?!

There is only one sensible place to be when it's hot: in the ocean.
And there are only two sensible ways to like summer: cheap, delicious strawberries and being able to swim in the ocean.

I took a break doing this post stepping out on the street and standing in the middle of the pouring rain. And now I feel a little better. There's nothing like heavy rain to take the edge off things :)

Tuesday, 6 July 2010


I feel like I should go back to blogging on a habitual basis... A few things have happened since last time ofc and now I feel like I've settled back very well to the Swedish lifestyle. The biggest difference has been the speed. Life is so slow in Sweden and compared to Tokyo I can't understand how anyone can become stressed here. When I got back everything was so slow I couldn't help but feeling restless and incredibly bored. I wanted things to happen, I wanted things to do, but everything was so slow and I almost went crazy with restlessness and boredom. But I'm okay now :)

Work has been awesome. I love my job and I want to find something similar to do while studying this autumn. It's not a steady job, as in I have no steady working hours. I work when it's needed, when there's an event. So this Thursday to Sunday I've worked about 33 hours and it's all physical work; standing, walking, power-walking and heavy lifting. And after work on Sunday I could really feel it in my body. Shoulders, back, knees, feet and hands were aching and various cuts and broken nails confirmed my working hours. It's tough on the body, good for the wallet and I do enjoy my job :)

I've become pretty engaged in the Swedish election this autumn. I actually watched a debate today, although I'm pretty settled on what to vote for. It's my first parlamentory election and I wanna know what I'm doing. On top of that I've always found politics interesting ;P

Tomorrow Kajsa and I have three flat viewings scheduled and I'm getting all excited about it. I want to move out this autumn and it would be awesome if I could move to Lund, the city where I'm actually going to study. Just imagine being able to take the bike to school again... For the first time in four years :P

All on all a lot is happening this summer. Work, friends, moving out, exam, driving test and I wanna go to Gothenburg too! When will I have time to finish my novel and learn a new song on the guitar? I need more than 24-hour days...