Monday night got me thinking a great deal about myself and how I act. How people might look at me. Pondering on why I stay extremely introverted instead of showing myself, telling people who I am and what I want, what I think. I should say more, talk more, be more extroverted. But it's hard to change a habit of ten years. For such a long time I've expressed myself with the written word, not the spoken. It used to be my way of letting go of anger or frustration, a stress releif, now it's become a part of me. I don't know how to stop and I don't really wanna stop. Writing is my friend. But I've noticed more and more lately how introverted I really am. How stuck in my imagination and my own little world I really am, and I can't honestly say whether I wanna leave that place and face the bitter reality and start to grow up, or stay there in a blissed state of obliviousness where I can't be harmed.
Once again my life is changing; new class, new school, new people. And as always it's scaring the shit out of me. I've been accused of being conservative more than once, but change scares me. Especially when it comes to school. School is a scary place. People are evil and inconsiderate and I know I'm no better, because I'm human too.
I guess I just want something, someone, solid. Something that won't change. Someone who will hold me forever and never let go, never leave, never change. But that wish will never come true. Because time and we as humans are everchanging.
I guess I need to start believing in fairy tales. "Fairy tales don't teach children that dragons exist. Children already know this. Fairy tales teach children that dragons can be slayed." And there's one big, fat ass dragon that I need to slay.