Thursday, 30 December 2010

Is there anyone out there?

Hello world. How have you been these past few days? It's nice to see that you're still around and that you waited for me to return from my vacation at a different place.

For Christmas I got LEGO Harry Potter Years 1-4 for DS and since December 27th I've done nothing but playing. Yesterday I cleared 100% and came back from my virtual vacation. Coming back meant cleaning up the place. As Love said: One notices when you get hooked on something because then this place turns messy. Quite true :P

Today bid on an adventure. Love and I went to Ikea to get ourselves a new wardrobe and ended up with lots of stuff for the kitchen and two chests of drawers :P I'm becoming a homemaker here. Something I thought I'd end up doing alone the first time, but I like the company. I thought I'd be older than this when I started making a home for two. I've never been happy about kitchenware before xD I like it! So now I've spent the evening building two chests of drawers and it looks good :) I'm proud of it!

I really need to start using my camera...

And now I'll return to my DS and another new game. This one doesn't have me extremely hooked, but it's entertaining. Might and Magic: Clash of Heroes. Since I fell in love with playing Heroes of Might and Magic V on the computer I decided to buy this game as soon as I found it. And it didn't leave me disappointed!

Saturday, 25 December 2010

Up-side-down Christmas

Still at my parents place trying to fix a kind of messed up Christmas. Totally up-side-down. Since Christmas is celebrated at Christmas Eve in Sweden everything was set up and ready yesterday, until we found out that both pairs of grandparents couldn't make it due to the snow. 1m of snow and no snow plough kept them inside their houses and made them unable to come. Fantastic. That kind of ruined the mood, but as to not have this year's Christmas totally ruined by the snow (when we just for once get a white Christmas the weather goes and overdoes it :/) we decided to switch the days.

So yesterday we celebrated Christmas Day. That day is always spent with the whole family playing games together. So yesterday we played the classics Mah Jong and Svea Rike as well as the new addition; Ticket to Ride Europe, all the while eating lots and lots of Christmas sweets. All the presents were saved for today and even the main Christmas dish in my family (which I totally despise, friggin' yearly torture) were saved up for today.  Now my dad and my boyfriend are off together to help Dad's mom get out of her house and Mom's parents have hired a snow plough so hopefully they will all be here in a few hours. And then there will be Christmas. Finally.e.

Saturday, 18 December 2010

Call of Cthulhu RPG #2

Sorry for the total lack of blogging lately. I'll try to change that  for now :P

A week ago Love lead his second Call of Cthulhu RPG. The first was on Halloween and it was a great success. But at the second he failed a little at the sensations. However, still being a horror RPG I was sitting at the edge of my seat in the end, and it was thrilling and cosy all at the same time - just the way a good horror story is supposed to be.

The story of this RPG picked up where the last one ended, although only the priest (I) and the occult professor were kept as characters. All the others had made new ones. The story starts with the priest and the professor examining the journals found in the last house.

Then the new story kicks off and we are in a hospital room with an old dying man called Rupert Merryweather. He asks everyone  (even his stupid son) to leave the room and then tells us his story. When he was a youth he was part of a Brotherhood that experimented with the occult. He tells us how the last experiment goes terribly wrong and they conjure something that only wants to kill. The creature is bound to the house, but will be let free when all the conjurers are dead and Merryweather is the last one still alive. We are given a box and then asked to leave. When we leave the room everyone is introduced. It's ofc the priest and the occult professor from before, two private detectives; Nunez and Cover, a librarian called Fog and a psychologist.

We all gather at the professor's office, which is really small and we can't really fit all of us in there. In the box we were given there's a small black nothebook and a small golden box shaped as a sarcophagus with hieroglyphs on it. The notebooks is a list of all members of the Brotherhood and journals from the meetings of the Brotherhood. Cover opens the sarcophagus, but it's empty. The psychologist tells us that the signs inside of the sarcophagus are said to originate from a vanished continent called Mu. The notebook tells us that the Brotherhood bought a house outside Ross's Corner to perform their experiments in peace. The leader carved protective runes all around the doors and windows of the house. It says that in 1882 (this is 1920) the leader bought the golden sarcophagus and inside it was a big amber with some kind of creature trapped inside. The perform the experiment to conjure the creature and it's described in the notebook as a great black hole with lots of claws and mouths. One member instantly got mad and one instantly got killed. The others fled the site and the mad one was placed at an institution. There are years written next to the members' names; which turns out to be the years they died. There's only one member left with no number and that's Merryweather who also seems to be the one who's been writing in the notebook. In that moment we get a phone call saying that Merryweather just passed away. A book is mentioned in the notebook but nothing more.

The priest, Fog and the occult professor heads out to the library and to the library's occult division. The professor remembers that she has heard of that book before and knows that she will need the key to a locked room to get it. The chief of the library has it and while the professor tries to persuade the chief to give her the key, Fog and the priest try to force their way into the room by picking the lock. They get the door open and the alarm sounds. Both of them manage to hide themselves, but no book and they return to the office. At the office the professor examines the sarcophagus and Fog tries to translate the hieroglyphs, which proves impossible. The three others, who have been out doing research on their own, shows up later and tells us that the powder used to make the pentagram needed to perform the ritual to conjure the creature vaporates when it leaves the house. The priest remembers that it has been mentioned in the journals from the other house and that it's called Powder of Ibn-ghazn. It's used to conjure or dispel creatures in rituals. They have found out the cause of death for all of the members except two and the priest calls all the communities in the city asking for the cause of death of those two members. One of them died of a falling piano and the other of natural causes.

We meet up again on the morning the day after av leave for the house. In Ross's Corner we stop to ask about the house. The children think it's an exciting haunted house and there have been children dared to go there. No one seems to remember anyone coming to visit the house. We find out that a middle-aged woman has disappeard during the night. The house is situated on a hill and it's only one floor, but seems to have an attic. The professor, the priest and Cover recognises the protective runes, and after examining the house on the outside and the grounds we enter through the back door, which happens to be open.

We see one staircase leading up and one leading down, a fireplace, open cans and a blanket. Someone has spent the night there. The professor and Cover hear something from the basement and Cover starts heading downstairs with the only torch available. The professor stays upstairs to guard the door and the rest of us follows Cover downstairs. When we have almost arrived down a bum tries to hit Cover with a table-leg. We all try to hit him but all of us miss and the bum manages to hit some of us. Finally Nunez hits the bum and he falls down unconscious. Cover puts first aid on him and he wakes up. His name is Jake and he keeps talking about some darkness that wants to kill him. We bind him and enters the next room where we find a cigar box full of Powder of Ibn-ghazn. We also find 10 papers turned slightly yellow. 6 of them are copies of a chant. 3 seems to come from the book we couldn't get a hold of and the 10th paper show the symbol. It's not the same handwriting as in the notebook.

Nunez hears something from the attic and while Cover, the priest, Fog and the professor stays in the room to prepare the ritual, Nunez and the psychologist leaves to examine the attic. We hear screams and rushes out into the hallway just in time to see Nunez's body getting dragged up to the attic. Then we hear sounds as of eating. The psychologist falls down the stairs and can't stop laughing. He stops when Cover hits him in the face. We all leave for the room with the ritual and lock the door. When the sounds of eating stop Cover opens the door a little and sticks out his head to take a look. Then he quickly pulls back and we see claws where his head would have been. We close and barricade the door with furniture and explosives and then we wait for midnight to perform the ritual.

The story fast-forwards to midnight. The priest, the professor and Fog are chanting. The other two keep a look-out. The first 20 minutes go by without trouble and then we hear something move upstairs. After 10 minutes it becomes more violent and the house starts to sway. The the creature starts screaming and the walls starts leaking some weird fluid. Then everything suddenly becomes very quiet. We hear someone pounding on the door and a voice says that it's Nunez and he wants to come in. We don't open the door. We see Nunez pounding the windows but it's not the real Nunez. He has a hole where his heart should be. We continue chanting. There's goo coming out of the walls. Everyone steps away from the goo. The Nunez-zombie can't get inside. The ritual continues and the psychologist falls down shaking. A female zombie shows up next to Nunez. Fog starts running towards the door and Cover beat her down. When there's only five minutes to go the creature appear in the middle of the symbol on the floor. It can't move outside the symbol. Finally it disappears but we continue chanting for 10 more minutes. There is no trace of the creature. We put the powder in the sarcophagus. Cover opens the door. We run to the cars. And there's a dead Jake in Nunez's car. We drive back to Boston in the other car and walk to the closest police station. On the way Cover leaves his explosives, the psychologist and Fog at his place. The police station is closed and no one is there. We go back to Cover's flat and the professor calls the police who won't listen. We all fall asleep and the psychologist calms down.

The next morning the professor discovers that the sarcophagus has vanished. Merryweather's son comes knocking with a lawyer and asks for the box his father gave us. Cover slams the door in his face. Half an hour later the police knocks on the door. The police take us all down to the station where the professor leaves with the son to give him the box (empty). The others convince the police of their story that they had nothing to do with the dead bodies at the house (because the police have already been there) and that we had left the place when Nunez was dragged up to the attic.

Tuesday, 14 December 2010

X-masy weekend

Love and I spent four days at my parents place. Originally we were only supposed to be there for three days, but dad called on Thursday asking if we wanted to come over on Friday and have a fancy dinner with them :) Ofc we wanted to.

On Saturday the X-mas stuff started. Love, I and my little sister made ginger bread and Xmas sweets together, all the while listening to Xmas songs :) The day ended with Love and I driving to Staffanstorp for the first RPG since October ^_^ The journey homewards later was both fun and interesting, I'm not very used to driving in blizzards yet :P But except for that small skid at the end everything went perfectly :)

On Sunday the baking continued with the whole family + Love making saffron buns, almond cakes, crullers, toffee and rosettes. All along with the same old Xmas songs. In the evening we (minus little sister) taught Love how to play Mah Jong since we do that every year on Christmas Day.

Monday was Lucia. Finally. On this day my family always gets up just before 7 am to watch the Lucia prossesion on TV while having hot chocolate and breakfast. After that we either go back to sleep for an hour or two or get ready to go to work or school. This day both Love and I had the day off and thus we went to Malmö to finish our Xmas shopping. So now we're all set except for three more gifts :)

And now I should stop blogging and study for my final exam in Spanish tomorrow.

Monday, 6 December 2010

Gaming

I'm back after a ridiculously nerdy weekend. It all started on Friday when I asked to be taught to play Heroes of Might and Magic 5, because I had seen Will and Love play it and thought it seemed fun. So they taught me and now I can't stop. I wanna keep playing all the time because it's so funny xD

So when it turned out we neither had work nor RPG on Saturday we went back from my parents house to our flat and on the way we met up with Will and had lunch at the best hamburger restaurant in town (you all know which one). When we got back to the flat they called up Lars, another friend, and later he showed up. I suggested we could start playing Heroes together and they all agreed. So we started up a mission and while waiting for it to be their turn at the game the guys played Borderlands on the PS3 and I played Fruit Ninja on Love's iPhone (another game I can't get enough of). That way the whole Saturday and the whole Sunday continued.

When Will and Lars left on Sunday evening Love helped me install Windows 7 on my laptop (finally!) and while the computer installed it we watched some more episodes of Grey's Anatomy :P

Today, on the other hand, has been a busy study day. I just finished a rather big assignment in Spanish, due today and in a two hours I'll hand it in. Love is still not back from school and I'm getting rather bored... Maybe... Play some Heroes...?

Sunday, 28 November 2010

Min generation och vår framtid

Jag har jobbat idag och ibland blir jag bara så trött. Inte av att jobba utan av att titta på folk och lyssna på dem. Att se föräldrar interagera med sina barn är en av de saker som gör mig mest trött. Men den värsta och för mig störande saken är när äldre och medelålders människor klagar på oss. Min generation. Dagens ungdom bestående av de äldre tonåren och tidiga tjugo är min generation. Jag kan inte låta bli att undra varför alla ni medelålders och äldre människor klagar så mycket. Klagar över vad vi gör och vad vi inte gör, vad vi klarar och vad vi inte klarar. Klagar över hur bortskämda vi är och hur lätt allting är för oss. Vad jag tycker om hur lätt allting är kan ni läsa om här. Jag vill bara säga: Som om något av det där skulle bero på oss och vara vårt fel och ansvar.

Allt som finns förfogat till oss, allt vi kan göra och allt vi gör beror på er; ni medelålders och äldre människor. Vare sig ni vill det eller inte så lever vi fortfarande i ert samhälle. Allt vi har här har ni skapat eller medverkat till. Vi har inte fått vår chans att påverka samhället ännu och ni påstår att det är vi som gör fel? Vi gör bara det som ni förfogat. Vare sig det gäller att inte klara grundskolan eller inte kunna skaffa jobb, eller tvärtom för all del, så är det ni som skapat förutsättningarna. Så om vi då inte klarar av ert system är det då oss eller ert system det är fel på?

De senaste nyheterna handlar om fyrtiotalisterna som varit med och skapat detta samhälle mest, det är nu dags för dem att flytta på sig och lämna plats för oss - men det har de ingen lust med. Jaha, tänker jag, ska ni låta babyboom nr.2 gå och svälta tills ni börjar dö av så vi får plats på arbetsmarknaden?

Varje generation har fört med sig något nytt till samhället. Snart är det vår tur. Vi som inte minns Berlinmurens fall eller när det fanns ett Väst- och Östtyskland eller något Sovjet. Vi som läser om Kalla kriget i nutidshistorian. Några av oss minns inte ens när planen kraschade i WTC. Vår generation som också är ansedd som den första generation som haft det sämre än sina föräldrar. Generationen som inte minns när IT-bubblan sprack för vi var för små för att bry oss. Generationen som knappt kan minnas tiden innan datorer och Internet. TV och radio dygnet runt har alltid varit en självklarhet. Snart är det curlingbarnens tur. Är ni rädda? Förväntansfulla? Själv kan jag inte vänta tills jag får se vad min generation ändrar på eller tillför. Visst är det spännande?

Vi kanske inte minns allt det där. Vi minns inte större delen av 1900-talet, utan det är bara några hemskheter som man får läsa om i historieböckerna. 1900-talet som också är känt som det blodigaste århundradet hittills. Det är min förhoppning att 2000-talet kommer bli till det bättre. Jag kanske inte minns hela det hemska, förjävliga 1900-talet, men jag kommer att leva till att se större delen av 2000-talet. Och det tycker jag är bättre.

Monday, 22 November 2010

Harry Potter and Disturbed

Two things have happened since last time. Two major things anyway. First was that I saw Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows pt 1 at the premiere on November 17th and I must say it was incredible! I've disliked all of the other Harry Potter films but this one was special. They had managed to make it so much like the book and they managed to fit so much into those two hours. Probably because they split the book in half and made two films. Too bad they couldn't do that with all the other ones :P Ofc there were things that bothered me, details, but the good parts overwhelmed the bad parts. I'm really looking forward to the next part that premieres in May. For this film I had almost no expectations, but now for the second part I have very high expectations and I juts hope it will be as good as the first part :)

Second was that Love and I went to see Disturbed live in Copenhagen! Except for the train being late and thus we arriving a little late everything went fine getting there. The first band on stage was Halestorm, a, to me, unknown band that didn't manage to convince me they were worth continue to listen to. Next up was Papa Roach. I knew about them but I haven't listened to them before and they were awesome. They managed to get the crowd going and already before Disturbed got on stage we were sweaty and tired and thirsty :P We had got ourselves places really close to the stage and as to not lose them I snuck out of the crowd and bought us some water and then snuck back in again (I think I'm good at that). The crowd went crazy when Disturbed got on and then they started performing. In total three songs off of their latest album; Asylum, two from Believe, two from Indestructible + Stricken, Land of Confusion, Ten Thousand Fists and Down with the sickness. All in all it was an incredible time. Although it wasn't as good as a live usually is. I think it has something to do with them just having an hour to play so they played as many songs as possible and didn't interact much with the crowd. If they had had more time to interact with the people it would have been a better live I think. But they were still awesome and I don't regret spending all those money at all.

Tuesday, 16 November 2010

The big twenty

So today I turned twenty. I don't feel no different =P How do people tell that I'm really an adult now? Actually a full-fledged adult. Seems weird to me. Didn't I just turn 18? Can't I just stop at that. 18 was a very comfortable age. So now I'm twenty. Only differences from being 19 are that I'm now allowed to buy alcohol (not only drink it) and the fact that I'm no longer a teenager.

What's the fun in growing up and being serious all the time? What's the fun about life if all you've ever got are duties to be tended for. What's life if all you ever do is work, eat and sleep? I don't want to become a boring adult who only talks about gardening, weather, their family, cooking and interior design (like the pattern on that carpet). 

Oh, well, I'll continue being childish, immature and weird for as long as possible and see where that path leads =D
Happy birthday to me =)

Sunday, 14 November 2010

Three days at a castle

This Friday my gran had invited me, my family and Love to a goose dinner at Svaneholm's Castle. It was a fancy dinner with all us girls in dresses and my dad and Love in suits :) The food was great, except for maybe the dessert that I (for once!) didn't enjoy very much. But I thought it was all very solemn. That evening I was the chauffeur for the first time and it felt nice knowing that I really could drive the car packed with people :P

Yesterday I worked with my dad at the first Christmas display of the season at Svaneholm's Castle. All those other times when I've worked during autumn or winter it's always been awfully cold so this time I came prepared dressed in three layers of clothes. I hit the jackpot with those three layers. Spent the whole day outdoors without wearing a coat :P Except for working I also visited the display of course. I really like walking around in castles or at historical sites, because to me it seems like I can feel history. If I had walked through that castle in my dress on the day of the dinner, in my head I would have been wearing a delicate 18th century dress and moved graciously through the halls. But this day I wore jeans, boots and a wool shirt so I felt more like a horse boy tip-toeing through the halls peeking at all the fine folks :P The most awesome thing of the day was this:


Today was the last day of the Christmas display and it's been a very interesting day. Around noon it started raining and it kept on raining all day. It's very ineresting selling sugary sweets, sweets wrapped in paper and non-waterproof helium balloons while it's raining. But that makes it fun and interesting. It's fun to be challenged by the elements. But nothing yet has been quite as crazy as the time when I was selling sweets at a farm auction in early December a few years back and it started snowing and was real windy at the same time. I was hanging on to the ceiling so it wouldn't fly off and Dad was packing away all the stuff in a hurry - that was a lot of fun xD
The evening turned even more interesting when it was time to pack up. We got all the stuff away, closed the trailer and put it on the car. Dad was going to use the tractor mode on his SUV to pull the trailer out of the swampy lawn. It worked for about three meters. Then there was a mud puddle and we got stuck. Dad decided to leave the trailer behind and pick it up tomorrow when they were moving the small cottages of the Christmas display away with the help of a truck. The staff at the people agreed to move his trailer with the help of the truck. Good. So we took the trailer off the car and then we were going to drive home. Nope. The car was stuck in the mud and despite the car's tractor mode and four-wheel drive Dad couldn't get it to move. So he went to fetch some planks and put them next to the wheels to help the car move. Didn't help. More planks. Didn't help. Try to push the planks further under the wheels. Didn't help. Fetched the rubber mats from the floor of the car and put them close to the wheels. Didn't help. Went to get a friend and his car to pull our car out of the mud. While waiting Dad tried to turn the wheels, give full gas and still have all the planks and rubber mats by the wheels. The car moved a little out of the mud. The friend showed and they put the towline between the cars and started up. That pulled our car out of the last of the mud and we could be on our way home. Half an hour later. What a thrilling evening :P

Some pictures from today. The castle, our counter and our stuff and the last one is just a cool picture :P




Thursday, 11 November 2010

Current fandoms

A few months ago I did a post about my old fandoms. Well, some stuff has happened since July and now I feel it's time for an update :)

Pokémon: Love bought Pokémon SoulSilver version for my birthday. Just when I had stopped obessing over my Pearl version he gives me a new one. What's more to it is that it contains the new Pokéwalker, which is almost like a Tamagotchi but with a Pokémon that you transfer from the game and then take for a walk. I'm having a lot of fun with it! SoulSilver and its twin HeartGold are remakes of Pokémon Gold and Silver and that means loads of old Generation 1 and Generation 2 Pokémon. From back in the day when I actually collected the trading cards!!! ^_^ And look what I found!

Firefly: As much as I dislike Sci-Fi I love this series. I have the last episode left to see and most of the episodes have been great. Although all my friends seem to be completely in love with Kaylee, my favourite is River.

Vampires: Don't get me wrong, I'm not talking about urban fantasy, sexy, pale, glittering (or whatever) vampires. I'm talking about the legend. The legend of vampires is one of the most enduring legends of history. When I found this book I got interested, then I got it and started reading it and now I'm even more interested than I used to be. I mean it's a guy from National Geographic that's written it and apparantly the book is based on some program that was broadcasted on that very channel some time ago. It's really interesting. Strongly recommend!

H.P. Lovecraft: Love bought Necronomicon for my birthday last year but I hadn't got around to actually reading it until after his Call of Cthulhu RPG. That was the spark I needed. The day after I made my research on Lovecraft himself and started reading his copy of Necronomicon. I really like his way of writing and his cosy stories. They're supposed to be horror, but I find them more cosy than actually goose-bumpening :P And I that made me read this web comic called Hello Cthulhu as well. It's very cute. Cthulhu is a demon god and he arrives to a world to destroy it. There he meets Hello Kitty and he falls in love with her. Then the evil thing walks around with ribbons in his tentacles all the time! xD

Avatar: Not the film with blue aliens. The anime with elementals. Love made me watch it during summer and then it escalated from there. I've seen all the episodes. I'm looking forward to the next series and I really really wanna watch the live action movie M. Night Shaymalan did this year to see how badly it sucks.

Harry Potter: Love wanted to re-read the series before we watched the first part of Deathly Hallows. All this re-reading and looking forward to the film has made me re-live some of my fandom :) It doesn't help that this video is a masterpiece!

Grey's Anatomy: Yup! We've been watching a lot of series recently and I made Love interested in this one. We have now watched the whole first season (third time for me) and that first season just keeps getting better and better :P

Hello Kitty: If the Lovecraft part didn't reveal it... I bought a Hello Kitty scheduler when I was in Tokyo. The year is coming to an end and I need a knew one. So I bought one from eBay :P I also love the evil Hello Kitty that shows up in Hello Cthulhu :)

That's about it for now :P

Wednesday, 10 November 2010

Writing

So since I have so much free time nowadays I have taken up writing again. It's pretty fun and it's going well. In two days I've written two chapters :) I feel proud. If I keep writing in this pace I might have a book finished pretty soon. I don't think it's great but it's better than some other stuff I've written and it's obviously a book for youths. I didn't want it that way, but it's hard to write like an adult when I'm a youth myself :P That's where it is. I'm trying to sound more adult-like, but I guess I usually don't?

Anyway I write in Swedish and if anyone wanna read the finished product and give me some feedback, just give me a nudge at facebook or msn or IRL ;)

Saturday, 6 November 2010

Children of the Night

I hid them under the floor
for them being here made me sore
And on that day I felt kind of hazy
Now they still gotta be there
cause they are not going anywhere
with severed limbs - or call me crazy

But there are voices in the darkness
in my house, everytime I close my eyes

In the dead of night I hear 'em sigh
The children of the night are calling
Hear 'em cry, they still defy
endlessly
I feel like falling
Now they're all
my children of the night

These skulls are so small
There are seven of them in all
I swear to God, now they're deadly silent

But still there's voices in the darkness
Getting louder all the time

In the dead of night I hear 'em sigh
The children of the night are calling
Hear 'em cry, they still defy
endlessly
I feel like falling
Now they're all
my children of the

Now little feet tap at the end of my bed
Remorse I seize
I feel there's someone leaning over my head
Seven breaths, they freeze

In the dead of night I hear 'em sigh
The children of the night are calling
Hear 'em cry, they still defy
endlessly
I feel like falling

In the dead of night I hear 'em sigh
The children of the night are calling
Hear 'em cry, they still defy
endlessly
I feel like falling
Now they're all
my children of the night

Friday, 5 November 2010

It's that day

Since it's that day as well...
Remember, remember
the 5th of November
The gunpowder treason and plot
I know of no reason
why the gunpowder treason
should ever be forgot

Too bad I don't have the film V for Vendetta or I would definately have watched it tonight.

Fixing day

Remember how I mentioned in my last post that I couldn't fit anymore books in my jampacked book case? Now I can :) Yesterday after my visit to the dentist's and after getting photographed for my driver's license, Dad and I took of to XXXLutz, which has just recently opened in Malmö at IKEA's old place :P Since it was the first day to the public yesterday it was really crowded and the only thing I was looking for was a new chair to fit my desk. Did find one I wanted but thay would have to restock it before I could come and collect it :/ We bought it anyway and Dad will get a textmessage when we can pick it up. My point with this anyway is that the day before yesterday XXXLutz had a pre-opening to invited guests. Since my parents happened to be subscribed to the correct news paper they happened to be invited xD While they were there they bought a new book case for me and today I put it together and reorganized my room for it to fit :) It was fun but sweaty :P One new book case meant for me to reorganize a lot, but now it looks great and I can even fit more books into my two book cases =D

And now there will be pictures :P My room is very me. I've lived on these 7 squaremeters my entrie life so there's a lot of stuff


Book cases! =D


My room as seen from the door.
(And to whomever may wonder it's the Nightwish poster for Ghost Love Score)


As seen from the bed.


My desk seen from the bed.
I love fire and I have lit candles whenever I feel like I have the time to.
(And that stereo will be thrown out sometime soon)

Wednesday, 3 November 2010

What now?

I had a plan ready before I quit and that plan stretches as far as 3½ years into the future :)

For the remaining part of this semester I'm gonna continue on my part-time Spanish course so I will still be studying.

For the next semester I will start to study French again. My goal is to get a Bachelor degree in French (takes about 3 semesters) and then go on to the Translator program (that's another 4 semesters). So until January 17 I will have to get my French back up and running again. The only reason why I bought my old French high school textbook.

And now that I suddenly have a lot of free time it's very obvious what I do with it. In a day I went from not reading anything to reading four books at once! I'm impressed :P And I spend a lot of time looking through this website for interesting titles, although I can't fit any more books in my already jampacked book case ^^;

I've also been thinking a lot about getting back to writing something again. It's been a while and I miss it. And I've had this idea nagging me at the back of my head for months...

Tuesday, 2 November 2010

Quitting

So I gave up. In the end I caved in and didn't make it. But now it feels like I should have done this ages ago. I should have done this after the first exam when I felt so miserable because it didn't go well. Because now I feel free, a little restless and bored, but free and it's incredible.

What I've done?

I quit my univeristy program.

Monday, 1 November 2010

Role-playing Call of Cthulhu - a horror story

So I thought since I do role-playing almost every week I could blog about it :P Gives me something to blog about and it's pretty fun :)

As you all know yesterday was Halloween. So Love thought he'd do a one-shot horror role-play Call of Cthulhu with us. That was his first time leading a role-playing game but it went really well :) Since it was a Sunday and people had work/school the day after we started out early and met up at 4.30 pm. After being given one character sheet each from Love we started making our characters and setting our skills etc after his command and with the help of our dices. When the characters were done our group consisted of two scholars; one professor researching the occult and one university gymnastics teacher (so he was our Mr. Muscle), one doctor; he was also a scholar (strictly speaking) but more of a pharmacist and one priest.

In Call of Cthulhu everyone gets a specific sanity level depending on what the dices show, and as supernatural, occult or simply weird things show in front of our characters the dices will decide if that level gets lower. The lower it gets the closer to a complete mental breakdown is the character. Ofc the characters also have hit points and the more times a character gets hit in a battle the lower health it gets and the closer to death it becomes.

After our characters were finished it was time for dinner and then the game itself kicked off. By then it wwas dark outside and to create the appropriate atmosphere we used no electricity and simply had big lit candles on the table. And then: the story.

We were all assembled by a landlord who had bought himself a house really really cheap, because no one wanted to live in it. Reason for that was what had happened to the family who had lived there. The father had gone insane and now lived at an asylum 4 miles off town, the mother weren't very stable either and she stayed with her mother. The two sons were doing pretty okay and all lived with relatives. This was all the landlord knew and we set out to find out some background information to our case. Our job was to "fix" the house so the landlord could rent it to someone. The priest (that's me) and the doctor went off to the asylum, since the priest was the only one who could drive (the game takes place in 1920's Boston). Mr. Muscle went to The Globe's news paper archives and the professor went to the city archives.

What the priest and the doctor found out was that the family had all had dreams of a man with burning eyes and both the mother and the father had felt an evil presence from the bedroom furthest from the staircase on the second floor of the house. The evil presence seemed to dislike the father the most and had used cuttlery and religious symbols to throw at him. The family was strongly Catholic, the mother even more so after her experiences in the house, the father on the other hand had abandoned his faith as a consequence to his experiences. He was considered gravely schizofrenic. Both parents talked about the man with burning eyes. The mother had only seen him in her dreams but the father had had hallucinations of him after he had awokened and in mirrors. They had both seen bleeding walls and had objects thrown at them.

What Mr. Muscle and the professor found out and the different archives were that the house and been built by a man who had soon after fallen sick and sold the house to a Walter Corbitt. That's why the house was also called the Corbitt House earlier, but now no one knew of that name. Walter Corbitt had been sued by his neighbours for being weird and involved in the occult. In his will he wrote that he wanted to be buried in the basement of the house. In 1880 he had disappeared after a raid on the church he was involved in and a priest had been sentenced to prison. The priest had escaped said prison in 1917 and no one had seen him since. The church that Corbitt was involved with had meetings in a chapel not far from the house. In his will Corbitt had also written that he wanted the house to be empty for as long as possible, preferably forever. But despite this people had lived there and they had all gone crazy, become invalid or died.

After the characters had met up and told each other what they had found out we decided to go to the ruin of the chapel and see what we could find out. The priest drove them all there and on the waywe bought lamps and spades (shovels). When we entered the area the first thing we see are two walls on each side of the pathway. They are both washed clean and there's a symbol carved into them. When we walk past them we all get the feeling that were being watched. We let Mr. Muscle stand guard outside the ruin and the three of us enters, when we do that we all get a headache (except Mr. Muscle who is still outside). The doctor is very sure to try the floor with his umbrella before we walk on it and thanks to that we didn't fall through the floor into the basement. In the construction papers of the chapel there was no mentioning of a basement so ofc we all go down there. Down there we find a room with to victims from the fire caused by the raid and also some old journals from meetings and one old mouldy book in Latin with description of the churches believes etc. This book the professor brings with her. Then we leave the chapel.

After that we have a discussion whether we should go investigate the house as well although it's already dusk or wait until tomorrow. We decided to go to the house. When we get there we take a walk around the house to see it there are any alternate entrances. The coal cellar as well as all the windows are covered with boards and the back door can't be opened from the outside. So we enter through the front door using the key we've been given by the landlord. When we enter we see a lot of closed doors and a staircase leading down. We decide to first investigate the first floor and enter the first room. It's a storage room with old bicycles and a cupboard. The cupboard is covered with boards as well and we all find this strange so the doctor goes out to the car to fetch a crowbar. We open the cupboard and in there we find three journals belonging to Walter Corbitt. The priest, the professor and the doctor all start looking through one each (and as a consequence lose some sanity points). The professor keeps the journals and we keep on going to the next room, by now we all start to hear a loud thumping coming from above. The thumping continues as we investigate the rooms on the first floor. When we get to the living room we find the staircase going up and we all see how one wall starts to bleed (and we lose some sanity points) and then the loud thumping stops. We go upstairs and start looking through the bedrooms. Nothing interesting until we get to the furthermost bedroom. We open it and the doctor walks in to open the only openable window in the house, but he never makes it cause the bed rushes from the wall and into him. The professor and the priest start to investigate the wall the bed came from and at that time Mr. Muscle sees how the doctor tries to hit the priest in the head with his umbrella. Mr. Muscle stops him but the doctor has no recollection of what he was trying to do. We finish the last bedroom and decides to go down the basement to find Corbitt's grave. Down there Mr. Muscle finds a beautiful, but dirty, dagger and picks it up. When he does that the dagger flies out of his hand and hits the professor's leg. The doctor takes care of them both and then we walk into the last room of the house. This room is completely empty save for a bench in the middle. On this bench is a dead body and above it hangs the same symbol we saw carved into the walls at the chapel. The whole room stinks and the doctor moves forward to take a closer look on the body. When he does that the body wakes up and looks at him. The doctor throws his umbrella at the corpse and the final battle erupts. We manage to defeat the corpse with not too many casualties, except for the priest accidentally shooting his gun at the professor and making her faint and Mr. Muscle being controlled to attack the doctor once.

In the end all the characters survived, which isn't the standard of Call of Cthulhu RPGs :P The upside is that we can keep these characters and reuse them in another game. Maybe a fullscale campaign of Call of Cthulhu if it comes to that :)

During this game we were all affected in different ways by the scary story, but the atmosphere was definately perfect and I love the catharsis horror gives when the tensity is released at the end of the story.

The most positive upside about this game is that it made me genuinely interested in reading H.P Lovecraft's work. Something I've been planning to do for a year now but never had the motivation to. When Love and I got home I borrowed his copy of Necronomicon and read the short story that he ahd recommended; The Rats in the Walls. And it was... cosy :P It defeinately caught my attention and I wouldn't want to put it down but the story didn't really scare me. It was cosy and interesting. I think I like his way and I will start reading Necronomicon from the beginning this evening :)

Monday, 18 October 2010

Skolsystemet

Wow, två inlägg på en dag! Nu är jag stolt :) Faktum är att detta är ett ämne jag planerat att blogga något om ganska länge men det har liksom aldrig kommit till skott. Nu, efter att jag läst den här artikeln på SvD så känns den här diskussionen mer än aktuell.

Om vi börjar med artikeln och Björklunds förslag på lärarlegitimation så finns det både bra och dåliga sidor av det. Jag vet att man har lärarlegitimation i Japan och utbildningen där är sträng, men effektiv och förutom att den är så pass hård och ansträngande så har jag bara hört positivt om den, och jag tror att det skulle kunna höja kvaliteten på den svenska utbildningen också. Dock finns det en hel del negativt att säga om det också. Det mesta tas redan upp i artikeln och övergångsperioder är alltid jobbiga men jag tror att just den här övergångsperioden är något som är nödvändigt.

Detta anser jag då utifrån erfarenhet av dåliga skolor. Högstadieskolan jag gick på i min hemkommun, Svedala, har fått en hel del kritik från flera håll; elever, föräldrar, styrelse, kommun etc etc. Men det är svårt att göra någonting åt det. Hela grejen nådde sin kulmen i förra året då eleverna (däribland min lillasyster) gick ut och demonstrerade för att kommunen hade valt att göra fel nedskärningar och istället för att ta bort de äldre, lite sämre lärarna som dock hade varit där längre, valt att avskeda de yngre lärarna med inte lika lång anställning. Ganska logiskt kan man tycka, men eftersom det är eleverna som ska lära... Det visade sig att eleverna tyckte bättre om de yngre lärarna och att de kände att de lärde sig mer av dem. Det var i början av samma år som regeringen hade infört lagen att gymnasieelever och universitetsstudenter skulle få utvärdera sina lärare och kurser. Kanske är nästa steg att låta eleverna göra detta även på högstadiet? Om eleverna redan då fick visa vilka lärare de tyckte bäst om och lärde sig mest av, skulle inte detta leda till en högre standard och bättre resultat på högstadieskolorna? Det är trots allt de tre åren av grundskolan som är de viktigaste och det är under de tre åren som man börjar forma en tanke på vad man vill göra med sitt liv. Hur skulle det då vara om eleverna helt enkelt fick säga vem de vill ska undervisa dem?

Här är då två klipp, det ena sändes på Sydnytt under 2009 och det andra är inspelat, som relaterar till detta.
Kritik mot Centralskolan (Svedalas högstadieskola):


Centralskolans elever demonstrerar:

Education

This term I chose to study Economics. It's a 4-year program and I was really looking forward to starting. But when it all began I started to regret my chocie bit by bit. Sure it was interesting, but it wasn't fun. No matter how much I studied it felt like nothing stuck. It was agnoising but I kept at it, determined that I was going to make it through the first year and then maybe change completely. But then there was that day last week when I didn't study for a whole day and I was so agonized by the fact that I hadn't studied and then equally agonized by the amount I had to study. It wasn't fun, it was hell and I wanted out of it. After a really tough discussion with Love (that's my boyfriend's name; Loo-veh) I decided what to do and it wasn't what I had originally planned but it felt so much better.

So instead of maybe studying four years of Economics and get a Master degree. I decided to leave Economics completely next term and continue with my languages. I will study French full time, towards the goal of getting a baccalaureate and then start the Translator program and get a Master :) Languages are what I know, they are what I'm good at and what I understand without trying much. And by studying French, the door is still open towards becoming an EU-translator or interpretor. EU is in despreate need of translators and interpretors and if I study enough to become one of the best... Who knows what might happen?

Just because Economics is considered to be a great subject to study and a subject that will lead directly to an occupation doesn't mean it's great for everyone. I'm gonna make my own life and I'm gonna do what feels right to me, so for now I'm gonna try to finish this course I'm on and then it's bye-bye secure future and hello fun times ;P

Wednesday, 13 October 2010

Autumn

The fairies have been dancing a lot lately. Today the fog was everywhere and hardly see-through at some places. It was wonderful having a lecture at the third floor and instead of listening looking through the window and seeing absolutely nothing but whiteness. Taking the bus home to my parents' house was even better. At one point I looked up at the sky and for a moment I thought I saw the moon shining as clearly as in night time, perfectly round and full. Then I realised that it was the sun and in some weird way it couldn't shine through the fog but I could see it perfectly. After I realised that I also realised it might not be a good idea to look directly at the sun :P

However the fairies are making me happy. Smoking fields are amazing :) And they remind me that soon, very soon, the sun will stop being this awfully late-summer sharp and it will keep getting colder and colder. Cold is wonderful and so is winter. I took a quick glance at the thermometer at home and was happy to see that it was finally below 10 degrees - wonderful. Soon enough it will even be below 5, or maybe even around 0 and I will be as happy as can be :)

I did a post similar to this last year on my old blog, but I thought I'd try to remember it and post a remake here. This, as you might have noticed, is my new blog of the second decade of the 21st century :)

Cold means having an excuse to stay indoors doing nothing all day, with no one complaining if you don't go outdoors or sit by the computer all day. Cold means coming back inside, all freezing, and then getting warm again under a blanket, watching Love Actually for the umpth time while sipping on a mug of chocolate.

Cold means going outdoors and feel the cold coming at your face, your nose, your ears, your fingers and toes. It means seeing your breath in front of you and feeling your nostrils stick together when taking a deep breath.

Do you forget, each year, the joy snow brings. How children always play? Do you forget, each year, how beautiful the world is when the sun shines dully from a clearblue sky on a world covered in frost and untouched snow.

Cold means wearing shirts on size too big. Cold means destroying tidy heaps of leef by walking right through them. Cold means freezing rain and hail. Cold means that the weather will once again show its forces and make us feel refreshed and alive when coming back indoors after a walk in the hard winds and heavy rain.

Cold means that Christmas and New Years are on their way, and do you forget, each year, how kind people suddenly become - because it's that time of the year? Do you forget the food, the treats, the presents, the quality time with your family, the lights, the candles, the decorations and the cosiness.

Cold doesn't necessarily means standing shaking and freezing at a bus stop waiting for the bus for eternity beacuse it's late due to the snow and ice, although that almost always happens. It means bundle up, relax and smile. In the simplest of terms; you sun and summer lovers shouldn't waste your energy hating the cold; the best part of the year is only just beginning.

Friday, 8 October 2010

The future

This week I read a columnist article in metro that made me kind of happy and excited to see what the future holds. I wasn't emotionally affected by the catastrophical results of the Swedish elections, but I wasn't hopeful that there was a different future waiting after those coming four years of right wing rule. Today the European map is very blue, and at some places even brown. Why do people think that we have evolved so far socially that what happened 70 years ago in Germany can't happen again? It can happen again and this film shows it. I recommend it a lot. Go see it!

However, back to the columnist. He wrote that the socialist parties around Europe had started to move. Instead of trying to imitate the right wing ideologies they were once again trying to be what they are; truly socialist. I'm not making any secret as to where I stand politically and I'm not planning on changing that anytime soon, although people have a way of telling me that I'm left wing simply because I'm a university student. Like it's some kind of adolescent thing that I will grow out of.

Anyway here's the column for anyone interested. It's in Swedish ofc.

And now I was going to post a video, but incidentally YouTube has ofc deleted it. Don't you just looove copyright? -.-'

Wednesday, 29 September 2010

Kendo

A post in the middle of my study-for-the-exam-week. I'm so tired of it now. I just want to do that exam and get that stupid book out of my face. Tomorrow is my day of doom and by then I will know just what kind of cruel questions my teachers will have in store for me. Hopefully I'll get away with a B. A B is what I aim for, but I study with an A in mind. I want that A so badly. Anyway, wish me luck! And I will go through this hell once a month! Maybe Economics was a little too much...

On another note I've fallen in love with kendo again. You know how some people always want to become good at something immediately? I'm one of those. And to be able to return to the Beginners' Practice Sessions and know all the basics feels great. I'm treated like one of the senpai which is completely awesome. I used to hate being motodachi (reciever of hits) and to wear the full bogu (armour) with that helmet that made me feel slightly claustrophobic, but now I don't mind and I even liked being motodachi on yesterday's training =D Life is great. Here's a little something for you who don't know what I'm talking about to see for yourselves what kendo looks like. (I know it looks weird and goofy before knowing what it's all about, but it looks a little cool too right?)


And I wish I could write about important things that I want to write about, but right now my brain is so wired with marketing that I can't really stop thinking about it :/

Monday, 13 September 2010

Fears

I thought a lot about this the last few days. Don't know why, it sort of just popped into my head. Anywho I realised that fears are a lot more interesting and fun than likes. If you ask people what they fear you probably get more varied and weird answers than if you ask what they like.

Me, for example, I don't fear what people usually think a girl fears. I'm not afraid of bugs or spiders or wasps or snakes or heights or anything like that. I don't like bugs and spiders but as along as they are not physically on me or in my face I don't really care if they are in the same room as me. Heights never bothered me. OK, I'm high up in the air, it will hurt if I fall, then I wont fall. There are however a few things that I am afraid of. The physical things are pigeons and sea gulls because they look scary, they are ugly and they are not afraid of me. I'm also afraid of clowns and man-sized dolls. I can't watch the part with the clown in Scary Movie 2 and the only scary things in Saw are the friggin' man-sized dolls! I liked to go to the circus as a child, but I never ever enjoyed the clown's performance.

Then there are some serious stuff that I'm afraid of. The first one is being the centre of attention, with everyone's eyes on me, watching me and listening to every word I say. I don't like this kind of attention, not even on my own birthday. That's why I can't make a proper speech or a good performance. That's why I can't remember what happened on the stage afterwards. I black-out. It all started with my classmates being mean to me in middle school because I talked too fast, that made me conscious of the way I talked. Then they started teasing me for the way I dressed and my appearance, which made me too self-conscious. Now I'm not really bothered by that anymore and I don't expect the mean comments anymore, but the fear of going up on that stage is rooted so deep within me that I don't really know how to get rid of it. But I want, oh, how I want to be able to be that girl. The one who self-confident can walk up on that stage, catch the eyes of everyone and be comfortable with it. The one who makes a speech or a performance in such a good way that the people watching and listening remember it. I want to, but how do I get rid of black-outs, shaking and nerves?

The other serious thing I'm afraid of is being left alone and becoming suicidal again. Before 10th grade, before everyone switched schools to go into a self-chosen program and study in a different town with completely different people, I was alone. I had a few friends, but I didn't meet with them often or feel that certain strong connection. I did not fear death (I don't even now), I was depressed and lonely and suicidal for five years and I was convinced that my life was one of those unimportant ones, the accidental ones. But after 10th grade I started getting friends, more friends, closer friends. I started to feel love and gradually the darkness left. I had a short suicidal period in 11th grade but it was insignificant compared to the other things. But now because of all those things that happened before, my biggest fear is for my life to become like that again. I'm terrified of one day waking up and discover that everything is gone or that it all was a dream and that I'm once again 14 years old and miserable. Another thing that has lingered is the lack of fear of death. Where it is the most noticeable is when I cross streets. I usually never check the crossings before crossing them. It doesn't occur to me to do so. Not even when I have my iPod plugged in and can't hear the cars I watch. But I promise, the cars will stop if you walk right out in front of them. They will stand on the brakes and they will stop. But what happens behind those cars is a whole different story!

This post turned out a little depressing. Sorry 'bout that ^^; Now I have revealed my fears. What are yours?

Monday, 6 September 2010

More school

So my first real school week has just kicked off and I'll have the first lecture of my first course, Marketing, in about 3½ hours. I'm looking forward to it, Marketing seems interesting and I enjoy reading my course books :) Since that last post I've started to relax more around the people in my class, ofc it's not until Friday I will know what people are in my course group, but I don't feel at all that left out as I did before. It's a litlle difficult to have seminars with 275 people all at once so ofc we are divided into smaller groups.

For the first time since 12th grade I have to study again. It feels a little weird and I have to get used to being constantly tired again. But studying for about three to four hours a day should be enough to manage the course, while reading the books I understand how lucky I've been to grow up with all these terms, with my dad owning his own company and Mum being an accountant. I've heard them discussing economics for as long as I can remember. This will be tough but interesting and, if I dare say so, fun. Having a lot of work is stressful, sure, but at the same time it's fun to do something important and the feeling of completion you get when it's finished is priceless :D However, I'm gonna study I need to start to take care of myself. When I study I get so caught up in everything that I forget basic needs like drinking and eating. Eating is not a problem. I can skip lunch and still keep going, that's not too hard. But if you don't drink anything the whole day... The head kind of starts to hurt.

That's all for now I guess. Wish I could write about something more interesting :/ But that's hard until something happens :P

The lecture isn't for another three hours so now it's nappy time and then some shopping and lunch :)

Thursday, 2 September 2010

School

So school is up again and I'm in for something completely new and still it's the same old stuff. I thought my first term of Economics at univeristy would be inexcusably boring but it turned out quite interesting and fun. The only problem is socialising.

I'm not a social person. I listen rather than talk and I never take the first step. I'm shy and awkward in the beginning and I spent the entire first day on my own. I'm not bothered by being alone actually. It feels pretty good to be able to do whatever during breaks etc, but it feels a little lonely when it comes to lunch and I find myself not having anyone to sit down and have lunch with.

Luckily we were divided into small work groups as soon as the second day and almost immediately a guy started talking to me. He's nice and I seem to have at least some things in common with him, which is impressive considering that I can't be called anything less than a misfit in this class. Everyone is fashionable and wear branded clothes and fake tans... I feel like a sore thumb, but I haven't noticed any staring so I'm probably overthinking it, I mean we are supposed to be grown-ups right? ;) Anywho, it's already the fourth day and I still feel awkward around my new "friend". Wonder if he's up to the challenge of breaking through to me.

Oh well, we've only just started and it will probably be better. I started this year preparing for the worst. I was waiting in anticipation and fear. Anticipation for all the new stuff, the challenging studies. Fear for it to become like old times. But I had already agreed with myself that if I could handle it for 8 years (2nd to 9th grade) then I pretty darn well can handle 4 years if it should come to that. I don't think so, but I'd rather it didn't come as a shock :P

Saturday, 28 August 2010

Uni student

Yesterday for once Dad said something that I thought was wise.
Something I agreed on.
He said that it's fashionable for the politicians to think about our old people
and care for the children.
But between 12th grade and the time you join the work force,
no one cares about you.
As a univeristy student you're on your own.
There's no politician fighting for us.

Saturday, 21 August 2010

Skulduggery Pleasant

Started and finished the second book in the series today. Still incredibly funny to read and extremely well done for being a children's book...

"I'm not weird like that.
I'm good weird.
I'm cool weird."

- Stephanie



"My parents have gone to work, you know.
You could have used the door."

- Stephanie
"Doors are for people with no imagination."
- Skulduggery 

Wednesday, 18 August 2010

Serious for once - in Swedish

Har ni någon gång hört någon säga att det är lätt att vara ung? Det har åtminstone jag, och jag håller inte med alls. Svårigheterna börjar redan när man är i 15-års åldern och helt plötsligt ska bestämma vad man ska göra med resten av sitt liv. Hur ska man som 15-åring veta hur man kommer ha det om 30 år? Hur många kan ens tänka så långt framåt i den åldern? Det har varit uppe på förslag i regeringen (eller riksdagen, minns inte) har jag hört att efter man valt inriktning i gymnasiet så finns det ingen återvändo. Har man en gång valt samhälle så har du ingen chans att kunna läsa upp naturämnena om du skulle vilja läsa natur på universitetet. Det har så vitt jag vet inte blivit genomfört ännu. Samma sak gäller när du väl ska börja plugga på universitetet. Du är berättigad till fem års studiemedel. Flera naturlinjer är längre än så. Vad händer om du inte kommer in på första försöket? Blir det till att försöka hitta jobb då? Eller riskera ett års studiemedel på någon kurs som verkar intressant? Och du har inte råd att använda studiemedel till att plugga upp några ämnen om du skulle vilja ha bättre snitt eller byta inriktning. Det här var ju helt lysande bra. Man väljer sitt liv när man är 15 år, då man inte vill gå till skolan för att man har en stor finne på näsan, har byxorna nere vid knäna, hårsnoddar på benen och förolämpar varandra för att man har tråkigt. Helt enkelt under de åren som är bland de svåraste då man är ung ska man välja vem man vill vara efter gymnasiet. Då man inte ens har full koll på vem man själv är just då. Helt fantastiskt.

Förutom utbildningen så har vi jobbproblemet. Jag har turen att alltid ha kunnat jobba för min pappa, således har jag alltid haft sommar- och helgjobb och nästan aldrig behövt be om det. Jag har fått höra oräkneliga gånger att jag är lyckligt lottad. Och det medger jag. Jag trivs med mitt jobb till största delen och dessutom är jag för lat för att faktiskt ta itu med själva arbetssökandet och kanske hitta något på min egen hand som min pappa inte ger mig. Men tillbaka till problemet. De enda jobben som finns tillgängliga (med några få undantag) när man är ung är som reklamutdelare, affärsbiträde eller telefonförsäljare. Man blir tillsagd att vara nöjd och glad för det jobbet man har. Men ofta betyder det tyvärr skitjobb för slavlön, även efter man blivit så kallad vuxen vid 18. För de vuxna ser en inte som vuxen. Man kan vara hur myndigförklarad man vill som 18-åring du blir ändå inte sedd som riktigt vuxen förrän du är en 25, 30 år gammal. Jag märkte det särskilt när jag sommarjobbade i fjol. Det var på en kiosk vid ett friluftsbad som pappa hade kontrakt på. Föräldrarna och alla andra vuxna som kom dit var hur otrevliga som helst mot mig för jag var bara en sommarjobbande skitunge som man kan behandla hursomhelst. Men när pappa pratade med samma människor så var de hur trevliga och tillmötesgående som helst. Anledning? Pappa är äldre än 30. Jag nämnde det för honom efteråt och han sa på skoj att jag borde haft en bricka som det stod "Platschef" på. Och det var ju sant.

Jobbsökandet handlar också om erfarenhet. Tyvärr hjälper det inte om det är "fel" sorts erfarenhet. Jag har jobbat under sommar och helger sen jag var 13, men det är fel erfarenhet. Jag sökte en gång deltids-/helgarbete på en översättarfirma som pappa hade kontakt med. För det är något som jag kan se mig göra i framtiden. De kunde inte ge mig något jobb för jag hade ingen erfarenhet inom översättning. Nähä, och hur får jag det om jag inte kan börja någonstans? Många arbeten kräver också utbildning utöver gymnasiet. Så när man gått ut grundskolan i nian och inte längre har någon skolplikt så har du tekniskt sett minst 7 år skolgång till som du måste gå för att ha en någorlunda ljus framtid.

Att vara ung handlar om att bryta sig loss, släppa taget och bli sin egen. Det handlar om att bli oberoende av att de äldre tar hand om en och att man börjar stå på sina egna ben. Det betyder att man så smått börjar ta ansvar för saker som man trodde att man aldrig skulle bli redo för som ung. När jag var 14 avskydde jag ansvar, nu kan jag inte vänta tills jag får stå på mina egna ben utan någon förälder som stöttar mig. Att flytta hemifrån är en stor del i att bli riktigt vuxen. Hur bra går det på en skala? Det är bostadsbrist på stora delar i landet. 90-talisterna är en stor generation, största sen 40-talet. Myndigheterna visste om det här. Ändå kommer det som en överraskning varje gång. Som när gymnasiet började 2006 och de insåg att klasserna var för små för så många och gjorde de större. Det har aldrig funnits tillräckligt med bostäder, än mindre nu. På vissa ställen kan du t o m bli nekad för att du är för ung. De andra som bor i samma lägenhetshus är över 45 och vill inte att nån liten 20-åring ska komma dit och förstöra deras lugn och vara allmänt i vägen. För att vara säker på att få lägenhet i 20-års åldern är det dags att ställa sig i kö redan när man är 10 och vem tänker på det då?

Så tänk efter lite innan du påstår att det är lätt att vara ung. Det finns säkert en del problem när man blir äldre också, vad vet jag? Men att påstå att vi har det lätt utav den enkla anledning att vi är unga är att ta i.

I'm sick of all this waiting
and people telling me what I should do
What if I'm not so crazy?
Maybe you're the one who's wrong not me
So whatcha gonna do
whatcha gonna say
when we're standing on top
and do it our way
You say we've got no future
You're living in the past
So listen up
that's my generation

Friday, 13 August 2010

Friday the 13th

Usually it's a bad idea to do anything special on a day like this. Usually it's nothing bad, things just never seem to go the way I want, never as well as I would like. It might be because I believe in it, if I didn't I wouldn't care and wouldn't notice.

Anywho, today I was supposed to be working. Didn't turn out that way. Woke up this morning with a sore throat. That's nothing, I usually don't care about when I catch a cold or get a little sick or get hurt or anything like that. My usual stand-point is that it'll pass. Don't care and it will all just go away. It's just that today when I was gonna get breakfast my head started to spin and I had to sit down as to not faint. It got a little better after I had eaten something and I thought that was that. All fine now. Then when I started working my head begun to pound and I couldn't go from sitting to standing without my head spinning and feeling sick. So I decided it was time to do something about it. A few hours later my mum was there to pick me up and drive me home. I took a pill and went to sleep for 2½ hours, but I still feel like shit.

I don't get sick. Not like this. I haven't been properly sick since middle school. Last time I had a fever it was for real - 41 degrees is not something you wanna play with. Maybe it's about time.

Being sick also means no studying. My brain already hurts, don't wanna inflict more pain by trying to think.

Saturday, 7 August 2010

Support

This last week I've spent practically living at a friend's place and as always it's been great. Coming back home was the problem. My parents are crushing me and I'm dying to get out of here. Mum's quiet as usual and I don't have Dad's support. Everytime he asks me how my moving out is going, me moving out together with a friend, he thinks I seem like I don't have a clue about anything. Nothing. Can't do anything on my own. He keeps telling me I'm throwing away my future and my economy by moving out now and that he'd prefer to see me move out after I've finished my education and got myself a good job. No way in hell I'm gonna stay at home 'til I'm 25.

I don't want to be here, far away from everything and everyone. "Wanna hang out tonight?" "Sure, the bus just left so I'll be there in an hour and 30 minutes..." I'm old enough to take care of myself, I think I know how the world works good enough to do at least that. And I can't wait to prove it to them.

But to be completely honest, what bothers me the most is not to be stuck out here. It's to know that I don't have their support in anything I do. Oh no wait, I have their support in studying economy, because Mum studied economy so that's all good. I don't have their support moving out or becoming an author. Dad didn't think it would be a good idea for me to go to Japan on my own. But I did and it was all good. Wouldn't that have proven something? Proven a point? That I am old enough to take care of myself, that I know how the world works? They think they know everything about the world how it all works with flats and moving out. But here's some news for ya: the world has changed in 25 years. Whadd'ya know.

I know I'll always have my friends' support, but it's something special in having your parents support as well. It's a different kind of support and that kind they seem to have reserved for my little sister only. Dad don't see a problem if she chose to try to make a living out of playing the clarinet or oboe, because he played the clarinet himself when he was young. But I don't have his support trying to make a living out of writing. what's the goddamn difference anyway? It's a hell of a gambling job both of them.

It's nice to feel appreciated.

Tuesday, 27 July 2010

Kinda philosophical...

Monday night got me thinking a great deal about myself and how I act. How people might look at me. Pondering on why I stay extremely introverted instead of showing myself, telling people who I am and what I want, what I think. I should say more, talk more, be more extroverted. But it's hard to change a habit of ten years. For such a long time I've expressed myself with the written word, not the spoken. It used to be my way of letting go of anger or frustration, a stress releif, now it's become a part of me. I don't know how to stop and I don't really wanna stop. Writing is my friend. But I've noticed more and more lately how introverted I really am. How stuck in my imagination and my own little world I really am, and I can't honestly say whether I wanna leave that place and face the bitter reality and start to grow up, or stay there in a blissed state of obliviousness where I can't be harmed.

Once again my life is changing; new class, new school, new people. And as always it's scaring the shit out of me. I've been accused of being conservative more than once, but change scares me. Especially when it comes to school. School is a scary place. People are evil and inconsiderate and I know I'm no better, because I'm human too.

I guess I just want something, someone, solid. Something that won't change. Someone who will hold me forever and never let go, never leave, never change. But that wish will never come true. Because time and we as humans are everchanging.

I guess I need to start believing in fairy tales. "Fairy tales don't teach children that dragons exist. Children already know this. Fairy tales teach children that dragons can be slayed." And there's one big, fat ass dragon that I need to slay.

Friday, 23 July 2010

I Will Be

There's nothing I could say to you
Nothing I could ever do to make you see
What you mean to me

All the pain, the tears I cried
Still you never said goodbye and now I know
How far you'd go

I know I let you down
But it's not like that now
This time I'll never let you go

I will be all that you want
and get myself together
cos you keep me from falling apart
All my life I'll be with you forever
To get you through the day
and make everything OK

I thought that I had everything
I didn't know what life could bring
But now I see, honestly

You're the one thing I got right
The only one I let inside
Now I can breathe, cos you're here with me

And if I let you down
I'll turn it all around
Cos I will never let you go

I will be all that you want
and get myself together
cos you keep me from falling apart
All my life I'll be with you forever
To get you through the day
and make everything OK

Cos without you I can't sleep
I'm not gonna ever ever let you leave
You're all I've got, you're all I want

And without you I don't know what I'd do
I could never ever live a day without you
Here with me, do you see
You're all I need

And I will be all that you want
and get myself together
cos you keep me from falling apart
All my life I'll be with you forever
to get you through the day
and make everything OK

Thursday, 15 July 2010

Old fandoms

I feel like I need something new to go crazy about. Everything I've ever been nerdy about is coming to an end or is set on hold. What to do?

Harry Potter: Practically over. I mean two more films and then what? Guess I gotta go to Orlando sometime...

Heroes: The season finale of season 4 turned out to be the show finale. So it's over. Suddenly. Without warning. Only a rumour of a made for TV-movie to keep us hoping.

Code Lyoko: Was over almost as soon as my nerdiness caught me. Four seasons of great story. Properly finished, though.

Jonas Brothers: Ended about a year ago. Nowadays I only listen to Love Bug sometimes. And for some reason Nick's wailing has started to bug me.

Avril Lavigne: Ended with The Best Damn Thing. Although, if her new album puts up to the old standards I might go crazy about her again.

Hello! Project: The current line-up fails to catch my attention in the same way the Elder Club did. Without them H!P is nothing much, although fairly unique.

Pirates of the Caribbean: So long as there's love there's hope. But although there'll be a fourth film and presumably a fifth, they wont be the same. Sure Jack Sparrow makes the story but without the other two in the line-up it will feel strangely empty I think.... So that one's probably over.

Mythology: Had it's peek in 8th grade when I tried to make a family tree of the Greek gods. Proved exceedingly difficult. Since then I've had my fair share of Greek, Egyptian, Celtic, Japanese and Scandinavian mythology.

Eddings: I started reading The Belgariad when I was 13 and that's when it escalated. I wanted everything he'd written. I even have that one book that's not fantasy... I try to delay the fact that after I've finished his latest series there will be no more. That will be the definite end of it. The end of an era for me.

So to sum it up. I need a new book series, a new TV-series, a new anime, a new musical artist, a new film series, a new author and a new historical thingy to be crazy and nerdy about. Any suggestions?

Sunday, 11 July 2010

Heat

Last winter I did a post praising the cold and winter. Today I figured I'd do a post complaining about heat and summer. Because today it's been the second day of 30 degrees and it's gonna be the same and even a little warmer tomorrow. And I hate it, hate it, hate it!

In Japan I didn't mind the heat. 26 degrees at 6am felt like nothing. Sure it was warm, but it was nice warmth. In this friggin country it can't get over 25 degrees without becoming the kind of sticky, pressuring heat that leaves you completely unable to do anything.

I hate waking up in the morning feeling as if someone drowned me in liquid sugar, since you've been sweating in your sleep all night your skin is all sticky. A cold shower is lovely, but unfortunately it lasts for about five minutes after you step out of the shower.

And since you sweat all day, 24/7, you have to drink all the time and I'm never so sick of drinking water as I am in summer. And since it's the pressuring heat everyone gets tired and easily annoyed. So it always ends in people arguing because they are so easily irritated.

Now I do understand why people lose weight in summer. They friggin sweat it out! And you also eat less during summer because it's so awfully hot that you're never hungry.

Then there's the mosquitos and the bugs! I turn the lights on for a second after dark and my room is buzzing with insects and thus I have to hunt them all down and kill them for about half an hour before I can actually go to sleep. Because if I close the window the heat gets even worse. I sleep with the window open and my bed beneath it, hoping that some wind might cool me down while I'm sleeping.

It's possible to momentarily stop the heat from getting to your head with ice cream, ice water, ice slush etc etc. But it's just momentarily.

And what's the point in sweating like you're doing the biggest work-out of your life when you're sitting in front of the friggin computer and not moving at all?!

There is only one sensible place to be when it's hot: in the ocean.
And there are only two sensible ways to like summer: cheap, delicious strawberries and being able to swim in the ocean.

I took a break doing this post stepping out on the street and standing in the middle of the pouring rain. And now I feel a little better. There's nothing like heavy rain to take the edge off things :)

Tuesday, 6 July 2010

Everything

I feel like I should go back to blogging on a habitual basis... A few things have happened since last time ofc and now I feel like I've settled back very well to the Swedish lifestyle. The biggest difference has been the speed. Life is so slow in Sweden and compared to Tokyo I can't understand how anyone can become stressed here. When I got back everything was so slow I couldn't help but feeling restless and incredibly bored. I wanted things to happen, I wanted things to do, but everything was so slow and I almost went crazy with restlessness and boredom. But I'm okay now :)

Work has been awesome. I love my job and I want to find something similar to do while studying this autumn. It's not a steady job, as in I have no steady working hours. I work when it's needed, when there's an event. So this Thursday to Sunday I've worked about 33 hours and it's all physical work; standing, walking, power-walking and heavy lifting. And after work on Sunday I could really feel it in my body. Shoulders, back, knees, feet and hands were aching and various cuts and broken nails confirmed my working hours. It's tough on the body, good for the wallet and I do enjoy my job :)

I've become pretty engaged in the Swedish election this autumn. I actually watched a debate today, although I'm pretty settled on what to vote for. It's my first parlamentory election and I wanna know what I'm doing. On top of that I've always found politics interesting ;P

Tomorrow Kajsa and I have three flat viewings scheduled and I'm getting all excited about it. I want to move out this autumn and it would be awesome if I could move to Lund, the city where I'm actually going to study. Just imagine being able to take the bike to school again... For the first time in four years :P

All on all a lot is happening this summer. Work, friends, moving out, exam, driving test and I wanna go to Gothenburg too! When will I have time to finish my novel and learn a new song on the guitar? I need more than 24-hour days...

Friday, 25 June 2010

Settling back

So I've been back in Sweden for about two weeks now and some stuff has happened. Normal stuff that feels weird :P The flight back home went great. It was a cloud-free sky that Saturday and everything was on time. The 12-hour flight to London I spent watching too much TV and films and watching all of Russia and Norway/Sweden from above :) and ofc sleeping about 5 hours. When I got to Heathrow things started getting a little worse though. The plane was delayed by half an hour and it had gotten cloudy. When I arrived in Copenhagen my parents were late because the bridge had been partly closed off and the speed was extra restricted. When we got home I handed out my souvenirs to everyone and after having pancakes (Yummy!) I feel asleep about 9.30pm.

The day after my grandparents came and it was as nice as usual. And on Monday Love got home from Korea :) Everything back to normal. Me and my boyfriend spending too much time at his place being geeky, playing games, discussing games and "Niichan" and I tormenting the boyfriend with Japanese pop culture \o/ On Saturday I got to meet my best friend Kajsa for the first time in 5 months and it was great :)

On Friday and Sunday I started working again and now the summer really has gotten started :) Although it's still pretty cold here... This Tuesday I started driving again. Hopefully I'll pass the test this time!

Something that hasn't been great is being back with my parents. I've felt so independent for three months and it's been so nice. Now I'm back with them telling me stuff. Especially when it comes to flats. I will hopefully move out and live with Kajsa this autumn and I honestly can't wait. But my dad keeps telling me off and wait until I have a real job etc etc. But after I talked to both "Niichan" and Kajsa I decided with their help to just ignore him. If I'm gonna do it like he says I'll be living with my parents 'til I'm 30... And there's no way I'd do that :) And I just wanna get out of this 18000 inhabitants shithole.