Wednesday, 31 August 2011

Religious discussion part 2

Part 1 is here. This is the end of the discussion and I should have posted it a long time ago.

I'm dark green, and he's dark blue.

We don't go to Heaven, we are awoken on Earth after we have finished proving that we can rule the Earth and the society without God the way we want.

If you want to see death as natural, then it's your choice.
Why life if there is no meaning?

And we don't have such a long time nowadays, because without God we have soon fixed our collective suicide through nature.

Why die at all if God is going to revive us again?
For the reason that we chose to show if we could control the human society, we turned our backs to God. God could then have deleted us, but chose to let us prove what we could do and it's on that road. During that time He lets us, in free will, choose the broad or the narrow path.

I ask once again:
How can life after death by the side of God be that good if several of those who helped create this world is there? This world sucks. How can that world be different?

How can life after death be that much better? Because we don't age, don't become ill, don't die? How can there be any difference at all if we regain life (an invulnerable life) at the same damn planet? This cursed place! I hate the world. The world is a horrible place and it's not just cause we age, become ill and die, but because people are horrible. People hurt eachother. Physical wounds heal, mental never do. People are idiots and I like to see death as a final destination to not having to meet all the idiots that hurt you, either consciously or unconsciously. Mankind will never emend. All the "good" people who've never broken any of God's bids and pray and go to church etc will all "live" by hos side. In that case I'd rather choose the alternative. I'd rather choose to live amongst the sinners. More open people, more alive people, who don't spend their time looking down on others who don't live godfearing lives. It's vile. It's despicable. And it doesn't get any better. None of it will change only because they get to live again. I have those unhealable mental wounds given to me by people, and now I can't do anything else but looking down on mankind. Including myself. So explain to me, what benefits would I have had from choosing a life after death by God's side? Now is your chance to convince me. Give me a reason. Something I can't  upbraid, something I can't appeal or argue away. Do what Jehova's Witnesses fail doing when they knock on my door.

I have no faith in any god, but I also have no faith in mankind. I don't believe in any supernatural power greater than myself. I'm a total atheist and I enjoy it. I've never had any childhood faith. The Bible stories have always been on the same level as fairytales. That Jesus walked on water or revived Lazarus is in my book none the different from The Little Mermaid or The Ugly Duckling.

I answer once again, we are not by God's side but on a rinsed Earth where God rules, but now mankind has learned that she can't rule herself.

Today we live under these circumstances:
"Time and unpredicted occurrences happen to all" it's said in Ecclesiastes 9:11. This means that whole lot of things happen without us being able to do anything about it.
We are at the wrong place at the wrong moment.
Ecclesiastes 8:9
"All this I have seen when I directed my heart to every deed made under the sun, in a time when mankind had the power over mankind to her injury."

But if we are careful and thoughtful in hour deeds this will prevent many accidents. "Whatever a person sow, this will she also reep" is it said in Galatians 6:7 which verify the relationship that our deeds will inevitably have consquences, some of them very bitter.

Read this as well:
Imagine that you've built a housing estate.
Everything is new and clean, most tenants are good people with well brought up children.
But then you get a tenant that's the exact opposite.
Vandalises and destorys, *he has wild parties all through the nights preventing the other tenants from sleeping.
And under the affection of drogs he has also started to push small children down the stairs.
Do you think it correct to evict a tenant like that?
If he has small children, can you evict him but let the small children stay there alone?
Parents have a resposibility for their children.
If the children have bad parents the children will suffer.

God has created the planet Earth and everything on it.
God's intentions for Earth is that it will be a paradise where only good people who treat eachother well will live. There is no place for people who rape, abuse, steal etc.
That's fair considering the good people to remove the bad ones.

Talking about hell.
To put someone under eternal torture isn't fair.
God hasn't created any hell, it doesn't exist.
However, God will let people who have died, but who haven't had a fair chance to prove whether they're evil or good, to be resurrected from the dead and then show their worth.
That's justice.

Sounds as if God is as big of a dreamer as his followers. That will never happen.

It's up to you to chose your path.

By the way, you once asked in the forum if the god of Abraham would be triune. He wasn't. Abraham is in the Old Testament, that basically is the Jewish Torah. The grounds of Christianity is in the New Testament and it's also not until there where Jesus shows up. Jesus himself was Jewish, as was Abraham. Trinity wasn't thought-out yet.

It's everyone's God, even in OT everyone had the possibility to worship the true God. Jesus didn't show up, it was already prophesized when Adam misdid in Genesis 3:15

Ask a Jew or a Muslim what *he thinks about you saying that the Christian god is everyone's god. The Christian god is only the god of the Christians. Jehova is for example the name of the god mentioned in the Old Testament, but in the New Testament God doesn't seem to have a name anymore. Why this development?

There are no historical evidence whatsoever that Jesus have existed. Chronology is a cultural phonmenon that has come from the Christianization of the Roman Empire that started to spread the Christian message with crusades, preachings, missionairies and forced baptisings. All writings about Jesus were created after his death, and since being able to read and write wasn't that common in those times, but sagas were oral traditions the stories were added to as time went. When they finally were put on paper the stories had been added to a lot.

The Jews have recognised Jesus in the history of their religion. But only as a prophet, not in any way more extraordinary than Moses, Abraham or Noah. Likewise the Muslims have acknowledged Jesus. In the Coran Jesus is called Isa and there also he was only a prophet. Every single one of the Abrahamitic religions have one main prophet. To the Jews it's Moses who came with God's Ten Bids and freed the Jews from Egypt. To the Christians it's Jesus. To the Muslims is Mohammad.

There are also those who says that Christianity isn't monoteistic since Christians worship three holy entities; God, Jesus and The Holy Spirit (in some cases  even the Virgin Mary).

Are you conscious of your religion's history from the point of view of religion investigators and the school books? Or do you only follow the words of the Bible?

What can Jews, Christians or Muslims answer, they have no god with a name, just look at what their actions have led to.

The greatest man that ever lived.
Is there any one man who undeniably can be said to be the greatest man that ever lived? What is it that makes a person great? Strategic skills? Physical strength? Great intelligence? The historian H.G. Wells said that a person's greatness can be measured after "what he sows and if he makes people think differently with a passion that lasts after he's gone". Despite Wells not being Christian he confessed that: "According to these criterias Jesus is the greatest." Alexander the Great, Charles the Great (who was called "great" already when he was a live) and Napoleon Bonaparte were powerful rulers. Through their awesome presence they exercised great influence over their subordinates. Napoleon is said to have said: "Jesus Christ has exercised influence over his subordinates and ordered them without physically being there." Through his dynamic education and by living as taught Jesus have powerfully affected the lives of people for about 2000 years. As an author expressed it: "All armies that have ever marched, all navies that have ever been built, all governments that have ever been in power and all kings that have ever ruled have alltogether not affected the life of humankind as much as this only person." A historical person.

But strangely enough there are still those who says that Jesus never lived - the the figure of Jesus is made up by people who lived during the first century. The reputed historian Will Durant gave the sceptics this answer: "That a few simple men in one single generation could create such a powerful and agreeable character, such an elevated etic and such an impressive version of human brethrenship would be a miracle by far more incredible that the wonders describen in the evangels." Ask yourself: Would a person who has never lived be able to exercise such a great influence over the history of mankind?

The encyclopedia The Historian History of the World explains: "The historical consequences of... [Jesus'] doings were very important, even from a purely worldly point of view, than the achievements of any other historical person. A new era, that's acknowledged by the whole world, is dated from his birth." Yes, those are really words worth considering. Even in the calendars of our day are based on the year he's said to have been born. As it is written in The World Book Encyclopedia: "Years before that year is written as BC, i.e. Before Christ, or as AD, i.e. Anno Domini." Critics insists however that everything we really know of Jesus is to be found in the Bible.

It's said that there are no other contemporary document mentioning him. Even H.G. Wells wrote: "The old roman historians ignored Jesus completely, he left no traces in the historical documents of that time." But is this true? Even if references to Jesus are relatively rare in historical sources, there actually are such references. Cornelius Taciitus, a noted roman history writer who lived during the first century wrote: "Their leader Christ had under Tiberius' governing been crucified by the procurator Pontius Pilatus." Two other roman writers from that time, Suetonius and Pilinius the Young, also talks about Christ. Furthermore Flavios Josephus, a Jewish history writer living during the first century, mentions the disciple Jacob whom he identifies as brother to Jesus, also called Christ". Referring to these mentions in historical documents it's said in The Encyclopedia Britannica: "These independent descriptions proves that in ancient times not even the opponents of Christianity ever questioned that Jesus was a historical person, which was for the first time questioned by several authors in the end of the 18th century, the 19th century and in the beginning of the 20th century., due to inadequate basics." Pretty much everything we know of Jesus was written by his followers during the first century. Their accounts have been kept inside the evangels - the Bible books written by Matthew, Markus, Luke and John. What do these accounts tell us that Jesus was?

What their actions have led to?!??!?! The Jews must be the only one of the Abrahamitic that actually have been peaceful and only been subjected to lies, threats and prejudices for thousands of years.

What Christianity has led to? The extinction of several cultures, crusades (war in God's name, ridiculous!). Christianity has taught us to be afraid of that what's different and wanting to transform the differences to something generic. That was how forced baptisings started (to force the poor pagans to a religion that offered them salvation, what a joke!). It taught us that all other religions are dangerous and should be extinguised. Do you know how many wars that have been started in the name of religion?!?!?!?! The reason to have killed most people in world history is religion. Second place is communism and third place is the Third Reich. Do you have any historical sources that people used to be fighting over religion before to Chritianization of the Roman Empire? Christianity has also led to prohibitions against abortion and contraceptives, something that has created great successes for HIV and AIDS, and raped teenage mothers. It has led to millions of people still, in this age, listens to a half-senile old man in Rome! Where's the logic in that? If we for a moment pretend that God created the world, then his greatest mistake was to give humankind free will. Why ddin't he remove the free will when he noticed that things started to go to hell? Why didn't he give up completely and extinguished us completely in the so called cataclysm?

The Muslims are like the Christians. Their chronology is 400 years behind ours. How did Christians (specifically Catholics) act in the 17th century? Exactly. If you haven't noticed the Muslims have started to wake up an riot. I'm happy for them.

Yes, Jesus are mentioned in some texts. A name. Nothing more. In writings outside the Bible he's a name, but nothing more. There is nothing that indicates that he was what he said he was. There is nothing who contradicts that he was a big lier who tricked people into believing him. They haven't found the grave he supposedly borrowed cause he couldn't afford his own. They haven't found a skeleton. Furthermore there is new research questioning if Nazareth even existed as a city in Jesus' time. There are signs that Nazareth was hardly more than a small, small village if it even existed. So there are doubts that Jesus (if he existed) can have been from Nazareth. Don't forget that pretty much all texts in the Bible are written hearsay. They are written long after his death.Just because some of them are written during the first century doesn't mean that they are contemporary. Jesus didn't become over 40 if I remember correctly. All those writings you wrote about... None of them are written by eye-witnesses. There is no protected documentation from eye-witnesses to Jesus' "wonders".

Your defintion of great people... The first one I thought of was Martin Luther King.

All human actions have led to despait and will go nowhere until this has happened:
Book of Revelations 11:18
"But the nations were wrathful, and your own wrath came, and it pointed out the time, when the dead will be judged and when you will give payment to your slaves, the prophets, and to the holy, and to those who fear your name, the small and the big and plunge them into the corruption that corrupts the Earth."

2 Peter 3:7
"But through the same words are the skies and the earth that are now separated by fire and are kept until the day when the ungodly people will be judged and destroyed."

So you believe we will be judged by God. Do you think the judging happened on May 21st? Do you think the world will end this autumn?

I must also ask, out of pure curiousity; do you look up quotes in the Bible to answer me or do you actually know all that by heart?

If all human actions have led to despair... Did the human writing of the Bible lead to despair?

If you follow the bid to love your neighbour, then it would be better now already.

The world will not end and when God intervenes we do not know, only when we see the signs mentioned in Matt 24 and 2 Tim 3:1-5

And yes, I know most of the Bible.

So the world won't end? You don't believe in any judgement day when humankind will have to answer for her sins and stand equal in front of God and be judged by him? The signs that I've heard to be in the Bible can be interpreted in many different ways. What signs are you talking about?

And I have to admit to being impressed by your knowledge of the Bible.

The kind of judgement day you're referring to doesn't exist!
The Day of Judgement consists of a 1000 years when Jesus arrives to lead humankind to perfection.

How would this perfection appear? Would we be great at everything we're bad at? Suddenly be nice to eachother and throw away all weapons?

And if that kind of judgement day doesn't exist... Then what was cataclysm? God pressing the delete-button?

We would be great at what we need already and with competent rulers.
The judgement day you're confusing it with is the following:
I repeat

Book of Revelations 11:18
"But the nations were wrathful, and your own wrath came, and it pointed out the time, when the dead will be judged and when you will give payment to your slaves, the prophets, and to the holy, and to those who fear your name, the small and the big and plunge them into the corruption that corrupts the Earth."

2 Peter 3:7
"But through the same words are the skies and the earth that are now separated by fire and are kept until the day when the ungodly people will be judged and destroyed."

Here I felt that we were going round in circles so I just stopped answering. It wouldn't go anywhere anyway. Sorry if I've made you read all this, it may not be that interesting to read, but it was pretty fun doing it :)

Tuesday, 30 August 2011


I believe autumn is already here. Waking up every morning discovering that the temperature is only 15 degrees, the skies are grey and it's windy. It makes me happy. The leaves are already starting to turn yellow and have even begun falling to the ground.

Today after I picked up a parcel from the post office I was taken by surprise on my way home when the sky suddenly opened up and heavy rain starting pouring over me. It was cold rain, so no summer rain and with the strong wind it was quite some trip home and I was soaked to the bone when I got through the door.

The award?

Sitting in front of my computer dressed in nothing but a sweater two sizes too big, and with a large steaming cup of spiced chai tea for company. Had it been a little colder I would've had a blanket in my lap.

What I picked up? A book for autumn reading: "Skary Childrin and the Carousel of Sorrow", by Katy Towell. Towell has been hosting a web page for years containing some of my favourite clips of little girls being mean and scary. Cartoons obviously, but they're so delightfully morbid. The longer ones (the 8 minutes ones) are always good stories. When I heard she had released a book I bought it immediately and got to pick it up today.
Here are my two favourite clips:

A story clip called "When Genevieve ruled the world"

A shortie with zombies called "El Despertar"

If the clips don't work at first try refreshing the page and they should work...

New semester

Soon I'm going to walk back to school to have my first class of the new semester. I'll leave you with this picture to ponder over:

Monday, 29 August 2011


Ever since I registered I've been logging in once every day, just to check and the page always said "We look forward to seeing you". But not today. Today the page looked completely different! I haven't even gotten my Welcome email yet! But I got started and begun exploring the world of Harry Potter. You get to enjoy the books, one by one, while you discover small elements that you've never thought of before and new material from Rowling whose imagination has just kept on spinning. I loved reading the background story for Minerva McGonagall! One of my favourite characters.

I loved when I went to Diagon Alley to buy my school stuff. I loved getting my wand, and after reading all about wandlore, wand cores and wand woods I thought that wand fitted me perfectly :) Then came the sorting...

Just like Evanna Lynch (who plays Luna Lovegood) got sorted into Gryffindor and not Ravenclaw and had to deal with the confusion, I myself got sorted into Slytherin! But after reading Rowling's description and thoughts of Slytherin House I realised that it fits me quite well. I always thought Ravenclaw to be the place for me, but Slytherin might not be so bad... I'm not all that good-natured after all... I'll grow accustomed to being a Slytherin after a while I guess...

So I'm now a first year student and I'm slowly taking my time through the first book. It's recommended to read the book while you discover the site, but as I've read the first four books around 20 times each I think I'll manage without them ;)

Now I'm off to brew potions and earn myself some House Points =D

Sunday, 28 August 2011

Malmöfestivalen 2011 part 2

Second part. First part is here.

Wednesday: Slow day. Everyone was working or in school and nothing really happened. Not even in the evening. Was kind of nice to just be able to hang around.

Thursday: Started out slow, turned out real nice. Halfway through the day a group of people dressed up completely in pink and coloured pink showed up next to my stand and made a complete show out of everyone walking by. People stopped to film and take pictures, and since everyone was busy doing that I could do it as well. I had no costumers while they were there cause everyone was busy watching them. I hadn't brought my camera and tried to take pictures with my mobile, but they ended up bad and pixley. Then I figured I could film them. So here are the two best pictures and the video I put up on YouTube:
In the evening I went to the other stand by the stage to watch Jay Smith. He was part of the thingy. Jay Smith is last year's winner of Swedish Idol, and by far the only good thing that has ever happened to that show. He played the winner's song Dreaming People, which isn't one of my favourites. And then his, by now, famous version of Like A Prayer

Friday. The end. I started by the stage and stood there for almost the whole day. Was interviewed by a news paper (can't find it online). At dinner time I changed places and then around midnight I got back to the stage and was able to see The Ark's final concert ever. It was the same concert program as on SommarRock in Svedala. I was able to hear One of Us is Gonna Die Young, The Worrying Kind and Calleth You, Cometh I. I'm usually very torn about this band. I can't decide if I think they're absolutely brilliant or if they're kind of boring. Everytime I hear them live they're awesome, incredible. But when I hear only the songs, they fall flat. So it all comes down to that they are (were) a great live band. Sayonara.

My feet ached so bad. I even had work on Saturday, but was able to leave early due to my aching feet. This is gonna turn into a nice salary in September :)

Tuesday, 23 August 2011

Malmöfestivalen 2011 part 1

Last Friday on the 19th this year's edition of the annual festival in Malmö began. Of course I'm working there 7 out of 8 days. So here goes the first five days (including my day off).

Friday. Had arrived at my parents place the evening before to help my dad get two cars to the festival. Got there, got unpacked, all was fine. Then the electricity guy shows up claiming that we haven't ordered nor payed for the extra juice that we needed. Great. That meant we had to run the popcorn machine, the cotton candy machine and the lights on the same cable - not a good idea. Can't pop popcorn and making cotton candy at the same time without blowing a fuse. So we had to pop the popcorns while there was no people to stock up enough popcorn to last until we got that extra electricity, so that we could make cotton candy to those who wanted some. Some phone calls later and we still hadn't recieved that extra juice. 8 hours after the nasty electricty guy had left another one shows up, handing me an extra cable. Great! Turns out that there was no electricity in the cable. Traced the cable to a locked electrical cabinet. So one more phone call for Dad. Switch places to the other stand and there it turns out we haven't got electricty for the lights. The cable is pulled out of the cabinet and the cabinet is locked with white plastic strings. Great... Calls them up and they say they'll come and fix it. Before they do the guy next to us selling sugarcoated almonds has solved the problem by cutting of the plastic strings with a knife and putting in our cable and his own. The electricity people arrive after it's already dark.

Saturday. A new electricty guy shows up and gives us power in both cables. Day goes smoothly after that. It gets even better when Zombie Walk walks past us. I curse myself for leaving my camera home, but an old friend of mine was in the walk apparently and so I found these pictures on FaceBook :) Rest of the day goes smooth. Except that I and Love are sent to the stand next to the stage, cause Dad and Jeanne didn't want to listen to techno... As if I did. After five minutes of constant bass I started to wish that it'd be over soon.

Sunday. Except for terribly aching feet the day went smooth until it was almost closing time. The sky opened on us and I had to get creative to protect the balloons and the cotton candy machine. On top of that Love wasn't feeling well. I switched with Jeanne at the stage so that she and Love could pack up the other stand. After Veronica Maggio finished at 11pm loads of people wanted to buy. Unfortunately we are not allowed to sell after 11. How did they figure that one out? And after selling to a few people I was practically chewed out by a girl not much older than myself flanked by two security guards. Then a new police office was stopping Jeanne to drive the car to the stand cause there was too many people (the day before there had been more people and it hadn't been any problems for Dad driving in). Dad went mad on all of them as did I. I was furious at this self-important bitch who couldn't step outside protocol just to realise how stupidly arranged the schedule was, and that if someone asked to buy while I was packing I would sell to that person. I was still friggin' packing! Walking to the train home I felt as if my feet would fall off. They hurt so badly from standing on stone for 16 hours/day 3 days in a row. On the train I tried to put weight on my knees instead of my feet as to relieve them, instead I got a cramping in all of my right leg. Joy. It hurt so much that I couldn't keep myself from crying and when we got off the train I walked as if I was wearing a diaper cause I had to walk on the sides of my feet and without bending my knees much for it not to hurt.

Monday. Feet pretty OK when I woke up. Still I refused to spend any time at the stand next to the stage as to avoid any extra pressure on my poor poor feet. So instead I made cotton candy the whole day. This was Love's day off and Kajsa worked instead. It was nice spending some time with her, although I was pissed at the world in the beginning. The day went perfectly fine. It was first day of a new semester. All the adults were working and all the children were at school, a nice quiet day that I could actually spend sitting more than the other days. Day was only partly disrupted by the fact that we once again only had electricity in one of our cables for a few hours. And that the backstage area where we put our stand wagons after work was completely closed down and almost impossible to get into for the first time since Friday. Kajsa and I had to push and pull and heave both of us at the same time to manage to get one of the wires loose to be able to get inside.

Tuesday. Finally my day off. Woke up around 10am (my biological alarm clock is always set on ten hours) and immediately felt the effects of doing cotton candy four days in a row. I couldn't move my right hand without it feeling like the entire thing was bruised and broken. Muscles were a complete mess. Still hurts a little now, but after showering the muscles warmed up a bit and stopped aching that terrible. Feet were OK. So my day off was spent shopping for food for me and for Dixi the Rabbit and for the start of term in a week. I also scrubbed the entire flat, changed sheets and did some laundry. All that boring stuff that one doesn't have time for when one works full weeks.

All in all management has been shit this year.

Thursday, 18 August 2011

Resit worries

So I got my resit exam this afternoon and I'm getting nervous. I know all the authors by now, I've made absolutely sure of that, and I've read the last book that I didn't manage before the original exam. But I'm scared that I've forgotten my vocabulary and parts of my grammar during my summer vacation. I just hope it all goes well. I'm so nervous, I really have to fix it this time.

Tuesday, 16 August 2011

Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows part 2 - Again!

Yesterday I went to the cinema again to watch Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows part 2. This time with my best friend. I had finished reading the book on Sunday and with the book now in fresh memory I wanted to see what I thought of the film this time.

Well, I can say that a lot is changed. Still I'm mad that they did nothing of Percy's reunion with his family and Fred's death... Why oh why did they destory a wonderful scene from the book like that? The wands bother me in the final battle between Harry and Voldemort. That connection is only supposed to be possible with Harry's original wand along with Voldemort's original. It's not possible when Harry's got Draco's wand and Voldemort's got Dumbledore's! Why do they have to make it so dramatic on film? In the book Harry shoots Expelliarmus at exactly the same time as Voldemort shoots Avada Kedavra. Harry's being the stronger spell of the two, Avada Kedavra crashes with Expelliarmus and rebounds on Voldemort who is thus killed by his own hand.

And WHY did they destroy Neville's moment of awesomeness!??!?! There's no friggin' hunt for the snake. Neville kills it in front of everybody at the same time he pulls the sword from the Sorting Hat!!!! Don't ruin my favourite book!

Like Kajsa said: they have exchanged the fun moments from the book with fun moments of their own creation. I love when McGonagall says that she always wanted to try that spell, and I love how it's Hermione's idea to escape on the dragon (in the book it's Harry's). But I miss Ravenclaw Tower. I hate how Harry's whole talk with Helena Ravenclaw turned out in the film.

But on the whole I actually like the film much more than the others. DH part 1 and 2 are the best Harry Potter films since Chamber of Secrets. Prisoner of Azkban, Goblet of Fire, Order of the Phoenix and Half-Blood Prince are all blasphemous.

I'm not all that sad that it's over anymore. From the interviews I've seen Rowling seems to be having a hard time saying goodbye to Harry as well. Now I have Pottermore, and thanks to Pottermore it feels like it'll never end.
We're the Harry Potter generation

Saturday, 13 August 2011

Reminiscing about my school days

Yesterday before I fell asleep I started reminiscing and suddenly I understood why I'm usually in such a foul mood when I'm back in my hometown and why I was in such a hurry to get away from there. It all has to do with my secondary school (13-15). Thinking back on my time in secondary school I realise that I have hardly any good memories from it at all. It all comes down to me being miserable, sad and depressed. I remember fleeting moments of joy, especially when we got back tests in almost whatever subject and I had beat the rest of the class to it. Those moments exist mostly in Social Studies and English, where I was always the top of my class.

Reminiscing I realise that a part of my unhappiness may come from the fact that I was gravely unstimulated. I never had any homework. I only studied for tests the day before test day. I finished all class assignments halfway through class, finished off my homework during class and still had time left. How I hardly ever got below a B shows either the tardiness or the stupidity of my class, or both. I finished secondary school with only A's and B's, mostly A's, and I remember that the only feeling I had on graduation day was relief. Relief that it was over. I would never ever have to see these people again. I cried that day, not because I was sad to go, but because I was so happy that it was over.

I started sixth form (16-18) in a new town, as did almost everyone in my hometown since we had no school for sixth form there. I promised myself that that would be a new beginning. True to myself I told my mentor my whole story. She was the first living person I actually told everything to. My parents didn't (don't) know. I think my best friend have gotten the whole story throughout the years. The only other person I've actually told the whole story is my current boyfriend.

Secondary school also has a lot to do with my sexuality. Before sixth form I had pretty much no sexualilty, because those people had made me totally convinced that no boy would ever look my way twice. But then of course I had to fall in love. Which at first made me totally terrified, since I was certain I would get rejected. Now that didn't happen and all of sixth form was basically a huge boost of my self-confidence.

Still, all of my remaining insecurities begun in secondary school. And in my head my mind keeps telling me that I'm never good enough. I'm always doing something wrong. I'm trying to fight those feelings away.

How come it's always twice as hard to grow accustomed to good things as to bad things?

Anyway, I should stop doing these posts. Everytime I reminisce i end up being depressing and that's not who I want to be anymore.

Here are some older posts I've made, reminiscing about those days:

Thursday, 11 August 2011

"Racism explained to my daughter"

I just finished reading a book we were assigned in French last semester. I didn't read it then, cause I was busy studying for my exams and I thought that that one book wouldn't matter that much. Turned out it did, so I bought it and read it along with my books for next semester. I thought it would be in the same boring genre as the other books we read that semester (Albert Camus, Simone de Beauvoir, Émmanuel Carrère, Annie Ernaux), but it turned out that it was real great!

It's called "Le racisme expliqué à ma fille" and it's by Tahar Ben Jelloun. Basically it's about the author himself and his daughter. In the introduction he explains that when he and his daughter was at a manifestation against racism when she was ten years old she asked him a lot of questions and that's where this book comes from. It's really genius cause the simplicty and truth of children's answers are well worth considering when we as blundering, blabbering adults go through our world.

It tells the obvious stories that we've all heard before that humour is a big part in conquereing and defeating racism, and that fear is a big part in why racism even exists. But it also tells us that our hope in defeating racism lies with the children, that children are unbiased and unprejudiced, and that they can be taught not to become biased and prejudiced. Prejudices are taught by biased adults, and it's the duty of unbiased adults to show the children that there's no reason to have any prejudices at all.

Some of my favourite quotations and their translations:
"Il a peur de l'étranger, celui qu'il ne connaît pas, surtout si cet étranger est plus pauvre que lui. Il se méfiera plus d'un ouvrier africain que d'un milliardaire américain. Ou mieux encore, quand un émir d'Arabie vient passer des vacances sur la Côte d'Azur, il est accueilli à bras ouverts, parce que celui qu'on accueille, ce n'est pas l'Arabe, mais l'homme riche venu dépenser de l'argent."
He is afraid of strangers, of those he doesn't know, especially if this stranger is poorer that he is. He is more misstrusting towards an African worker than towards and American billionaire. Or even better, when an emir from Arabia comes to pass his vacation at Côte d'Azur, he is recieved with open arms, because the one they recieve is no the Arab, but a rich man coming to spend his money.
"On est toujours l'étranger de quelqu'un, c'est-à-dire qu'on est toujours perçu comme quelqu'un d'étrange par celui qui n'est pas de notre culture."
One is always a stranger to someone, meaning that one is always percieved as someone from the unknown by those who aren't from our culture.
"Si j'ai bien compris, le raciste a peur de l'étranger parce qu'il est ignorant, croit qu'il existe plusieurs races et considère la sienne comme la meilleure?"
If I've understood correctly, the racist is afraid of strangers because he is ignorant, thinking that there are many races and considers his own to be the best?
"Le racisme existe partout où vivent les hommes. Il n'y a pas un seul pays qui puisse prétendre qu'il n'y a pas de racisme chez lui. Le racisme fait partie de l'histoire des hommes. C'est comme une maladie. Il vaut mieux le savoir et apprendre à le rejeter, à le refuser. Il faut se contrôler et se dire "si j'ai peur de l'étranger, lui aussi aura peur de moi". On est toujours l'étranger de quelqu'un, Apprendre à vivre ensemble, c'est cela lutter contre le racisme."
Racism exists everywhere people lives. There is not a single country that can pretend that there's no racism there. Racism is part of human history. It's like a disease. It would be good to know it and to reject it, to refuse it. One has to control oneself and to say to oneself "if I'm afraid of strangers, they will also be afraid of me". One is always a stranger to someone. Learning how to live together, that's how to fight against racisme.
"Les enfants, au contraire, peuvent changer. L'école est faite pour cela, pour leur apprendre que les hommes naissent et demeurent égaux en droit et différents, pour leur enseigner que la diversité humaine est une richesse, pas un handicap."
Children, on the other hand, can change. School is made for that, to teach them that men are born and stay equal in rights and differences, to educate them that the human diversity is a richness, not a disabillity.

I recommend this book to everyone who wants to read it. It's translated into several languages. Find it in the language that suits you best!

And I'm sorry if my spelling is a little off... I've been reading and writing in French all day and it seems as if my English as stopped working correctly in the process...

Tuesday, 9 August 2011

Book harvest

This semester's book harvest is quite something. These are my compulsory books:

"La cantatrice chauve", Eugène Ionesco
"En attendant Godot", Samuel Beckett
"Le Père Goriot", Balzac
"Mondo et autres histoires", J.M.G Le Clézio
"Thérèse Desqueyroux", François Mauriac
"L'argumentation", Christian Plantin
"La guerre des langues et les politiques linguistiques", Louis-Jean Calvet
"Phonétisme et prononciations du français", Pierre R. Léon
"Apprendre les langues: Où, quand, comment?", Annick Comblain & Jean Adolphe Rondal
"Sur la France: Vive la Différence!", Andrew Jack

The first five ones are books to be read for literary history. The others are for oral presentation, discussion, phonetics, French linguistics, composition and translation.

I feel strangely positive about studying French again this semester. I feel excited and as if I want to stay on top of my game and study my brains out every afternoon after class. Wonder how long that'll last? I'd say about a month... But I'll try to keep it up. The more I study the easier the exams will be, right?

Full day in Malmö

We have this week off, so I and Love decided to spend this entire day in Malmö. Which resulted in me being about 2000 SEK (€205) poorer and me getting a sunrash all over my chest (and possibly on my scalp). But it's been a cosy day, even better that it ended in heavy rain and a thunderstorm.

To begin with we took the bus to Spångatan and then walked from there to Möllevångstorget. I've talked about those Asian food stores there and I wanted to show Love. The biggest one isn't very fresh, actually it smells kind of iffy. The second one is much, much better. Everytime I walk into those stores I wish I knew more than three words in Chinese. I wish I could surprise them by talking to them in their own language. That's always fun! Anyway, these two visits ended with us having four different tastes of Pocky (chocolate, strawberry, chocobanana and milk) and two different tastes of Colon (chocolate and strawberry). Then we ventured further to Södervärn to have lunch at China Box. An awesome place where you get to pick two Chinese dishes, rice or noodles and a sauce for only 59 SEK (€6)/box.

After lunch we continued to a shop called Taboo. This is exactly what it sounds like. It's a shop for sex toys, and although I rarely find something useful in there it's pretty fascinating just being there. Love had never been there and I just had to show him, though admittedly I think he was the one who wanted to go the most after I told him about the place. The place isn't like you'd imagine a sex shop. Instead of a sleazy old man behind the counter there are usually only female staff members, lower middle age, knowledgeable, and not that uncomfortable to ask for advice etc about a subject that many would find uncomfortable to speak of. And no, they are not dressed in maid uniforms.

Next stop was Shock. The store where I buy loads of clothes, but online. I can do some recon there, but I hardly ever buy anything from the physical shop. Love had to ask for some advice on his pair of Dr. Marten's that he had gotten as a Christmas present from his father 1½ years ago. Then we continued to the Science Fiction Bookstore. A place full of geekyness. I'm usually not as interested in the books as I am in everything else. Love bought himself a Cthulhu T-shirt. Whereas I finally bough this cardgame that I've been considering for ages, and I also found this wonderful book that'll probably teach me loads!

The journey continued to a place in central Malmö, commonly known only as The Pier (Bryggan). We bought ourselves a soft ice each and then went down to sit on the pier. It was a clear sky and really warm sitting there, and loving water as much as I do, I took of my shoes and soaked my feet in the canal water. I mean, they're my feet. I walk on them. They probably get the most "beating" of any of my body parts, so no, I don't care if I soak them in dirty water. The water felt freezing at first, but after a while it was actually quite pleasant. We sat there for a while, in the small half-quiet oasis in central Malmö and played with our feet in the water. (How do you take pictures of your feet without your calves being huge?)

Later we picked up our stuff and put our shoes back on again to walk the final bit down to the mall called Entré. The only place in Malmö that hosts the store New Yorker. When we arrived we discovered to our convenience that there was a sale going on! This sale ended in me going home with a new pair of jeans, three T-shirts and a bra.

While in town we had recieved a message from Love's dad that the people we stayed with in London had arrived to Lund. (The man is originally Swedish and his wife is Brazilian Japanese and they both live in England xD) Of course we wanted to meet up with them at least once during the week they're here (so perfectly matched with the week we have off) so we met up with them down at the English pub in Lund's city centre after we dumped the bags in our flat and changed clothes. By now the wind had gotten really strong and storm clouds were gathering up in the sky. We went indoors from the pub's open-air café and pretty soon after we went inside the sky fell down. Rain was pouring down, still we managed to get som take away sushi to his Love's father's place and thus we had to get there through the pouring rain. Seven wet people later we arrived at his place and had some sushi and talked for some time. About 8pm Love and I decided that it was time to go back home. We left and the weather was still grey, but with no rain. Unfortunately it had turned really chilly. There was no bus coming any time soon so we decided to walk home. Halfway there the heavens opened up again. We stood under a roof for some time, watching the rain, until it kind of faded and we took the chance to get home.

Thursday, 4 August 2011

One year anniversary

It's me and Love's one year anniversary today. For me it's the first time I've ever managed to stay in a relationship for this long, and it doesn't seem to be going anywhere. So here's a song I dedicate to him, because he puts up with me and because I love him dearly for it.

I can be an asshole of the grandest kind
I can withhold like it's going out of style
I can be the moodiest baby and you've never met anyone
who's as negative as I am sometimes

I am the wisest woman that you've ever met
I am the kindest soul with whom you've connected
I have the bravest heart that you've ever seen
And you've never met anyone
who's as positive as I am sometimes

You see everything, you see every part
You see all my light and you love my dark
You dig everything of which I'm ashamed
There's not anything to which you can't relate
and you're still here

I blame everyone else, not my own partaking
My passive-aggressiveness can be devastating
I'm terrified and mistrusting
and you've never met anyone who's as
as closed down as I am sometimes

You see everything, you see every part
You see all my light and you love my dark
You dig everything of which I'm ashamed
There's not anything to which you can't relate
and you're still here

What I resist, persists, and speaks louder than I know
What I resist, you love, no matter how low or high I go

I'm the funniest woman that you've ever known
I am the dullest woman that you've ever known
I'm the most gorgeous woman that you've ever known
and you've never met anyone as everything as I am sometimes

You see everything, you see every part
You see all my light and you love my dark
You dig everything of which I'm ashamed
There's not anything to which you can't relate
and you're still here

And you're still here
And you're still here

Wednesday, 3 August 2011

Hateful summer

Today's been one of the worst days thus far this summer. I actually got up and thought it a pleasant day. It looked nice from indoors, it was even a little windy. I dressed in canvas pants and a vest and got out to run some errands. It was a nice walk to the bus stop, it was a little too hot to stand still and wait, but walking around sufficed to keep me cooled down. I picked up my ordered items at the "post office" and then got on the bus to get to the pet store. I even bought something cold to drink while changing buses. Thus far, all good. When I got off the bus outside the pet store the heat had gotten really bad (around 12.30pm). I bought what I needed for my pet rabbit and then got on the bus back to the city centre. There I had an about 20 minute walk home. Those 20 minutes were some of the worst of my life. The pressuring heat, sweating, and for the last 10 minutes I just wanted to drop everything I was carrying and sit down at the road side and cry my heart out, I was so exhausted. I got home and dropped everything in the hallway and fell into bed. My heart pounding without me being out of breath, my pillowcase soon soaked with sweat and a few tears and my clothes sticky. After about 10 minutes I got up showered my head and face in cold water, had some water to drink and something to eat and I felt somewhat better.

Love and I were supposed to help out at his father's festival today and got there immediately after this to help carrying and putting stuff into place. Turned out to be more activities in the heat. After we finished we had a break during which we went to buy ice cream and got back home for about 45 minutes. Once again I showered my head and face in cold water (this would be much more effective if my hair didn't dry up in 20 minutes...). When we got back down there it was about 5pm and the sun was a little lower, the heat was slowly fading. But not until 8pm I actually thought it was a pleasant day again.

Aren't the body supposed to release endorfines when you've done some body work and/or exercising? I just feel miserable being hot, exhausted and sweaty. The misery slowly fades, but in my case it's not replaced by a feeling of having done a good job and being pleased with myself. It's replaced by a feeling of relief that it's over. There's a reason the only exercising I enjoy is walking. Unfortunately summer makes me feel like I'm doing some heavy exercising 24/7.

Tuesday, 2 August 2011

Les Misérables and Pottermore

Last Sunday, the day after our party (which was a success btw, we'll be doing that more times), I went home to Kajsa to watch Les Misérables in Concert at the O2 25th Anniversary with her and Tiffany. It was my first time seeing this musical since I'm not that fond of musicals. I usually find that they're either great at singing and suck at acting, or they're great at acting and suck at singing. It's not very often that they're brilliant at both. This kind of proved me wrong and Tiffany assured me that West End really is brilliant at everything =P

However since this was "in concert" it meant that there wasn't much acting around and that may be the reason why I really liked it. At this moment I'm actually downloading both the show and the soundtrack. I'm gonna let Love watch it, I'm sure he'll like it. I loved little Cosette, too bad she's only in it for about 15 minutes, and then she becomes a whimp. I'm fascinated by how much Lea Salonga actually can open her mouth O.o And I thought the girl who played Éponine was gorgeous, however I though her character was pretty pathetic - like every other female character in the show (I can tell the story was written 150 years ago), the only female that wasn't pathetic was the wife of the Master of the House, and instead she was an idiot. My favourite character by far was Gavroche.

I disliked all the love scenes and I loved all the scenes that showed their everyday life, like "Lovely Ladies", "Master of the House" and when Gavroche sings that everyone comes to him. I also like the intro "Look Down".

Yesterday I signed up for Pottermore! I figured out the clue. I was head over heels with excitement after I found the Magical Quill and made it fly. And now my nick is FelicisGoblet :) You better remember it, if you're going to register ;) Now my friends are asking me for help registering, turns out the pocedure is different every day. Pretty cool actually. It's not just a new clue, but also a new procedure.

I read on about Pottermore while I was waiting for the new clue to show up today. Turns out that when it opens to everyone in October it will start at Harry Potter and the Philosopher's Stone, and it's pretty obvious when you sign in after you've registered - you're at Privet Drive and you see a wizard standing at the edge of the street. This is gonna be awesome! ^^ I'll blog more about it as I slowly gain access to the site in a few weeks :)